CHOP-SOCKY—Thanksgiving is a goddamn sham, another ploy by your nagging parents designed to trick you into making small talk with them for 147 straight hours! At least this evening, you'll get a respite: Sneak over to the Clinton Street Theater for their annual Thanksgiving Kung Fu Mini-Marathon, where $5 gets you in and out all night for six hours of old-school chop-socky action! EH
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 6 pm-midnight, $5

EAT! DRINK! DANCE!—Spend Thanksgiving putting delicious turkey dinner with all the fixin's into your family-less mouth at the Spare Room. They promise not to regale you with boring stories about their lost youth, so you can have the best Thanksgiving ever, downing drink after delicious drink and dancing your fat ass off to the well-dressed, jam-tastic Cool Breeze. CF
The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd, Thanksgiving dinner noon-9 pm, all ages 'til 4 pm; Cool Breeze, 9 pm


BRING A PONCHO—Gwar is known for elaborate costumes, dousing fans with fake blood, and ridiculing topical celebrities and political figures. Perhaps tonight they'll mock Sarah Palin? Even she can't "refudiate" that Gwar puts on an awesome live show. MJS
w/the Casualties, Infernaeon, Mobile Death Camp; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $18-22, all ages

CP3 VS. PDX—Remember when the Portland Trail Blazers tried to orchestrate a trade for NBA superstar Chris Paul? Just imagine what could have been. Now stop daydreaming and remember that Paul stayed with the New Orleans Hornets, and tonight's matchup is as close to the Rose Garden as CP3 will ever come. EAC
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $25-185, all ages


ALL-STARS—If you've ever wanted to experience every badass dance night at Holocene simultaneously, this is as close as you can get: 8 1/2 DJs: Holocene All-Star DJ Night features DJs Copy, Linger and Quiet, E*Rock, Beyondadoubt, and more! MS
w/Lincolnup, Zac Eno, Linoleum, Miracles Club; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $3

HO-HO-HOLIDAY RACE—Every holiday the Portland International Raceway lights up its track with tons of decorations—and this year, the Winter Wonderland of Lights adds more festive fun with races around the track for runners and walkers, a kids' parade, a "Party in the Pit" beer garden, a DJ, plus the obligatory appearance from Santa. Ho-ho-hell yeah! WSH
Portland International Raceway, 1940 N Victory, race at 5 pm, register, entry fee $15-30


FACE OFF—An inspired double bill if there ever was one: In the acid-blotter corner, legendary Brazilian tropicália band Os Mutantes conjures up their celebratory psych-rock. Meanwhile, in the Scotchgard-huffing corner, lo-fi AM gold cyclones out of warped pop genius Ariel Pink. NL
w/Diva; Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd, 8:30 pm, $20-23, all ages

PDX POP-AND-LOCK—The coolest Portlanders will be spinning around on their heads in a boxing ring tonight, and you can be a part of it. The West Coast B-Boy Championships invite you to watch and cheer, or windmill yourself to a $500 victory in round one of the yearlong $5,000 break dance competition. It's probably your destiny. KO
Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside, 5 pm, $10, all ages

SCRATCH—Not everyone has the time or inclination to bake, can, or pickle, but such things still make excellent gifts and pantry highlights. Score artisanal delights from the likes of Beaker and Flask, Clyde Common, Beast, and more at Scratch, possibly the chicest bake sale ever. MS
The Cleaners at the Ace Hotel, 403 SW 10th, 11 am-2 pm


ENERGIZER—Want to get your filthy mitts on some battery-operated instruments? Battery Powered Music is a new semi-monthly event that lets anyone take the reins and collaborate with likeminded musicians—amateur and professional alike—on mini techno orchestras, beeping chiptune numbers, and everything else in between. EAC
Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 8 pm, $5, all ages

BONOBO—Originally the solo project of UK producer Simon Green, Bonobo now tours with a full band, playing jazzy, complex downtempo melodies with myriad instruments and a hot new vocalist added to the mix. These sexy ruminations are sure to rev up your Monday night. VT
w/Tokimonsta; Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $20-23, all ages


THE BOOK OF BOOK—The youngest Whedon, Zack, is coming to the Hollywood Theatre to watch the last episode of Joss Whedon's TV show Firefly with you. On the heels of his comic book release of Serenity: The Shepherd's Tale, writer Zack and artist Chris Samnee will stick around to answer all your questions about Shepherd Derrial Book's mysterious past. CF
Firefly followed by Q&A, Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 6:30 pm, FREE w/can or box of food; signing at Things from Another World, 4133 NE Sandy, 8:30 pm, FREE

THE RYE-GHT STUFF—In need of a winter warmer? Tonight Someday Lounge hosts a "whiskey party and songwriter showcase." Although great local talent will be on hand to soothe your cold bones, the real heartwarmers come from $3 pours of top-shelf whiskey flowing all night. ND
Someday Lounge125 NW 5th, 8 pm, $5


GET IN THE PIT—If your passion for all things Passion Pit knows no bounds, you won't miss tonight's show with the New England synth-pop practitioners—but make sure you don't miss their after-hours DJ set across the river at Rotture! NL
w/Mister Heavenly, We Barbarians, Pepper Rabbit; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $29.50, all ages; afterparty w/Rude Dudes, Rotture, 315 SE 3rd, 9 pm, $6, 21+

ASSASSINS—The Northwest Film Center's impressive Japanese Currents: The Samurai Tradition series continues with 1966's Sword of Doom, starring Tatsuya Nakadai as a killer swordsman, and 1980's fantastic Shogun Assassin, featuring Tomisaburo Wakayama as a loving father/vicious assassin. It's bloody and heartwarming at the same time! EH
Northwest Film's Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park, Sword of Doom Wed Dec 1 at 7 pm, Shogun Assassin Thurs Dec 2 at 7 pm, $8-9