KRS-ONE--The esteemed sage of hiphop as cultural movement, KRS-One drops in to lecture at Reed--on "Hiphop: Its Meaning and Purpose"--and a live performance! Your edutainment is guaranteed. JS
Lecture @ Reed's Kaul Auditorium, 3203 SE Woodstock, 7:30 pm, $10; Show @ Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9 pm, $22

ART!--It's First Thursday, and the quirky Motel gallery is celebrating its one-year birthday party by giving one square foot of space to 100 (!) different artists. Nearby, Visage Artspace has works by awesome painter Zefrey Throwell, and downtown, Gallery 500 has Robert Vergara's show about beauty ideals, replete with '80s aerobic styles, health food refreshments like diet drinks, and DJ Teenage. JWS
Motel, 19 NW 5th; Visage, 1046 NW Johnson; Gallery 500, 420 SW Washington, #500


MC BATTLIN'--Think you can throw down against a REED STUDENT?! Those folks get the serious liberal-arts lingustical schooling, so if you wanna win the $200 prize, come correct with your thesaurus. Also, a DJ'd graffiti-off (!) and Bill Shannon (nee Crutchmaster)! REED HATH GONE BANANAS! JS
Reed Arts Week @ Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock; Graf Battle, noon, free; Bill Shannon, 8 pm, $10; MC Battle, 10 pm, $4

DIRTY DANCING--There's only one rule in the '80s classic Dirty Dancing: "NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER!!" Get ready to guzzle brew and heckle your head off, because the Mercury/Clinton Street Prozac Film Festival is presenting a one-time showing of this gem in the Patrick Swayze canon. Plus another hilarious appearance from the Mercury Puppetry Guild! WSH
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 10 pm, $6 admission, $2 beer, $2 pizza


DARK REUNION--They've been kicking around for 753 years, but like a stinking black tarpit, The Melvins can still drown you in sound. Death will come with bloodied ears, King Buzzo submerging you in a gooey sludgefeast. LC
w/Mudhoney; Crystal, 1332 W. Burnside, 225-0047, 8 pm, $15

BUSSE'S BRAWL--Ho boy, is this an unsubtle foreshadow of how life under Phil Busse's mayoral rule will be: A big-top brawl with the Big Bang Cirkus Sideshow doing machete tricks and shooting porn out of an air cannon, art farts, rock n' roll, and a wheelchair-bound rugby team. Just think: This could be our city, every day. MS w/Cootie Platoon, I Can Lick Any SOB In The House; Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 9 pm, $10

BOOTY BAR--Disco D spins the slick-nastiest booty music you could ever want to shake that ass to, complete with sex talk and that sleazy Miami-ish bounce. It's so sick you'll be lickin' your fingers and pulling moves that would make your mommy disown you. MS
w/Flipsta & Lil'-C; Level, 13 NW 6th, 228-8888, 10 pm, $9


WEDDING PARTY--We are living in a historic time: In the past few weeks, San Francisco's mayor has issued 3000 licenses for same-sex marriages. Tonight, a community forum and dance party to get the ball rolling for petitions drives and a statewide initiative to legalize all marriages! Get married by the Mercury's own Wm. Steven Humphrey, eat wedding cake, and shake, shake, shake... things up! PB
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 6-10 pm, $10 sug. donation

SNIFFY--If you haven't already been to La Palabra Cafe, then tonight is your night. On the bill: local funny press, Sniffy Linings, presents fun stuff from the hilarious Paul Ash, the wacky Mykle Hansen, the fabulous Tiffany Lee Brown, and plenty more, plus door prizes and shorts from the recent Portland Animation Festival. JWS
4810 NE Garfield, 493-0333, 7 pm, $3-5


BREAKFAST CLUB LIVE!--We can certainly agree that there has been no greater work of theatrical literature than the screenplay for The Breakfast Club. Please join the Third Rail Repertory Theater as they do a hilarious half-hour staged reading of this classic work-- to be followed by an ass-dropping, booty shaking '80s prom dance party, complete with raffles, prom pictures and the always uplifting spins of DJ Gregarious. WSH
Fez Ballroom, 316 SW 11th, 221-7262, 7:30 pm, $10, $8 in costume


SCIENCE--The universe is hardly static. It is ever-expanding--and contracting! In his first book, The Elegant Universe, writer and scientist Brian Greene poetically explained nothing less than how the entire universe fits together. His latest, The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time and the Texture of Reality, stretches these thoughts to where no man has gone before. PB Powell's, 1005 W. Burnside, 7:30 pm, free

ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER--Tonight, 40 bands will playÉ for one minute each! And it's all part of the 10-day traveling punk art/culture show, Drawing Resistance. Check their website for info on other cool events happening all week! JWS
Liberty Hall, 311 N. Ivy, 7:30 pm, $5


MUSIC--There seems to be some opposition towards the disco revival dance mania that people have been going through--have fun swaying in place with your arms crossed. For everyone else, there's Mahjongg, a dance band that combines a tribal, whip-ass dance beat with cool, affected punk and otherwise rock 'n' roll influences. MS
w/Pretty Girls Make Graves & The Fuse; Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd, 7 pm, $10, all ages