POH-HOP—Hiphop heads unite, it's time for the 12th POH-Hop festival, the annual salute to all things hiphop. They're pulling out all the stops this year, bringing in some of their biggest names yet, and loading every show with a bevy of local eager emcees ready to win you over. Tonight bask in the insanity that is Tech N9ne protégé Krizz Kaliko. His spastic "funkra" really does blend elements of opera and funk with hiphop, which is just as bizarre as it sounds. EAC
w/JFK, Kenny Mack, Sapient, Maniac Lok, & more; Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 7 pm, $14, all ages, see for complete schedule

FLOCK—For their first show in Lincoln Hall since its remodel, White Bird concludes their Celebration of American Women Choreographers series with an exciting new commission from Conduit Dance co-founder Mary Oslund's company, Oslund + Company/Dance. The show, Childhood Star, is part of Fertile Ground festival, which begins today. VT
Lincoln Hall at PSU, 1620 SW Park, Thurs-Sat, 8 pm, $18-28


PROBING—Something missing in your life since Action/Adventure Theatre's spot-on Portland hipster melodrama Fall of the House called it quits last year? Well, their new semi-improvised serial may fill that void in you. Captured by Aliens follows six reality show contestants in space. Catch the first of four episodes tonight. VT
Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Fri-Sat 10:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, Fri pay-what-you-will, Sat-Sun $12

BIG KIDS—No curfew. No work tomorrow. You gonna just stay home Friday night? Say goodbye to the workweek with boisterous pop tunes from two of Portland's best bands: Jared Mees and the Grown Children make effortlessly grin-along anthems, while And And And's explosive live sets showcase their ingenious, damaged folk rock. Yes, you are allowed to drink. NL
w/Charts; Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th, 9 pm, $6


BENEFEST—Time to help out those future pickers and grinners at Buckman Elementary! Brought to you by the fine folks at Pickathon, it's Benefest, a winter-long festival of concerts and music-related films starting with tonight's Corin Tucker Band performance. All money raised goes to Buckman and the Portland Schools Foundation, while you get the chance to see a rockin' show. CF
w/Old Light; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8:30 pm, $25

HAAI-YAH!—Lovers of Hong Kong martial arts flicks, rejoice! Beloved local film geek Dan Halsted is the curator of Shaolin Cinema, a retrospective of the best ass-kickin' monk films of the late '70s and early '80s. Tonight it's 1978's awesome The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, in which a young revolutionary trains with monks to wreak unholy revenge on the corrupt government. WSH
Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park, 9 pm, $9


SECRET 'STACHE—Come celebrate the hirsute at the 2011 West Coast Beard and Mustache Championships. This national—yes, national—event imports some of the finest beards and 'staches our great country has to offer. Both male and female competitors go beard-to-beard in a battle for the finest follicles in the land. Plus, there is beer. EAC
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 3:30 pm, $9.50 for spectators, $20 for competitors, all ages

FATTY FAT FAT—Portland storyteller and un-fat person Nathaniel Boggess turns his Appalachian childhood into delectable stage fodder with his one-man show I Was a Fat Kid... I Was a Really Fat Kid. Boggess has been a hit in the local storytelling scene (yes, we have one of those), honing his humor and self-effacing tales on Live Wire! and at Back Fence PDX. SM
Gerding Theater at the Armory, 128 NW 11th, 10 pm, $10

DADS & DAUGHTERS—Loudon Wainwright III's collective output (including music, film roles, and children) is monumentally impressive, and even a generation later his disarmingly honest songs continue to be effective for their plainspoken lyrics and unassuming folk-music backbone. Keep your loved ones close tonight, and keep your white wine close, too. MS
Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $25, all ages

SPORT OF KINGS—Blazers fans, enjoy these visits from the lowly Sacramento Kings while you can. The bottom-dwelling Kings are on the verge of either uprooting and moving to a new city (Anaheim? Boo. Seattle? Yay!) or being contracted by the league itself. It's not Tyreke Evans fault; the Kings' guard is one of the NBA's most exciting young players and can single-handedly make tonight's game worth watching. EAC
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $10-149


FIGHT SONGS—Bouncing at the intersection of country, punk, and power pop, Old 97's just keep getting better with age. They swoop through town on the back of their latest, The Grand Theatre, Volume One, and don't miss opener (and new Portland resident) Langhorne Slim, whose raucous country soul is also becoming the stuff of legend. NL
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 8 pm, $21-23, all ages

FOOD + TRIVIA—Pix Patisserie has hands-down the best trivia night in town. Why? Because you can eat it. Stuff your dainty mouth with six rounds of super tasty Pix pastries, identifying the treats by taste to win prizes. It's time to trade your Ninkasi and nachos for macarons and mascarpone. SM
Pix Patisserie North, 3901 N Williams, 7 pm, $5 (RSVP required)


RA RA—The music of Ra Ra Riot meets at the complex crossroads of dance party and depth, and the opportunity to see them now should not be taken lightly. We all know the good bands are soon followed by masses of people that drive them into arenas, right? Let's just say arenas aren't that awesome... CP
w/Givers, Pepper Rabbit; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th, 8 pm, $13.50-15, all ages

WTF? WTF!—Calling all "What the Fuckers!" Marc Maron—host of the wildly funny, and illuminating WTF with Marc Maron podcast—is headlining Helium through Saturday. This comedy vet and former Air America host is hilariously angry, and speaks the bitter truth about a host of topics including life, divorce, and the circus of national politics. Go! Laff! Learn! WSH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 8 pm, $10-15