YACHT ROCK—Set sail for the high seas (er, the Willamette River) as Google Hotpot's second free show takes over the Portland Spirit for this nautical adventure. Pack your earplugs and Dramamine and enjoy sets from both Red Fang and the Builders and the Butchers on a freakin' boat. EAC
Boards at Salmon Street Springs Fountain, SW Naito & Salmon, 7:30 pm, FREE (w/wristband), all ages,

BLEEP BLOOP—The robot-themed art show Short Circuit opens tonight, including the best combination since peanut butter and jelly: Eric Joyner's Robots and Donuts series. Other contributing artists include Paul Guinan and his historical robot character Boilerplate, and local artists Benjamin Burch and Brian Kappel. CP
Benjamin Benjamin Gallery, 1720 NW Lovejoy, 5-8 pm, FREE


SOUL SWEAT—If you love shaking your tail feather to the sweet sounds of rare soul 45s, don't miss the super popular In the Cooky Jar dance party at the Woods, now in a new Friday night slot. DJ Cooky Parker's deep, deep crates of soul will get your backside bobbin' with hot tracks featuring Motown, Northern, funk, popcorn soul, and more! Let's sweat! WSH
The Woods, 6637 SE Milwaukie, 9 pm, $5

BLUTO—This month's Cort and Fatboy midnight movie—lovingly, sweetly presented by those beloved geek podcasters, as well as ye olde Mercury—is none other than the 1978 classic Animal House. If you've already seen it, you're no doubt already excited; if you haven't, um, what the hell? Here's your chance to correct your heinous cultural oversight. EH
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 11 pm, $3, 21+


BLACK HUMOR—It's weird to think of seeing Michael Ian Black perform without a screen separation, but this week's the week to experience such intimate oddity! And while his humor's less "black" than "hey, what's up with DoubleTree hotels?" I think we can agree there is room in life for both. MS
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $20-30

INDIE LIT—Formidable online lit rag Bookslut joins forces with local small-press publisher Future Tense for an indie powerhouse of an evening, featuring readings by Jamie Iredell (whose The Book of Freaks boasts one of the few decent book trailers ever made) and Mike Young. Bonus! Free beer from Ninkasi. AH
Ampersand Vintage, 2916 NE Alberta, 7:30 pm, FREE


DARK CRYSTAL—Toronto's Crystal Castles is the premier electro-noise-pop duo on the planet, and they raised the bar even higher with 2010's Crystal Castles II. You'll recognize their single "Not in Love"; it's the song with Robert Smith that sounds better than anything the Cure has done in the last decade. EAC
w/Suuns; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $25-28 (sold out), all ages

STORIES & SONGS—This way, you don't have to choose. Story & Song lets you enjoy the words of intriguing local authors like Emily Chenoweth and Nora Robertson, with a live musical interlude by Leaves Russell (oh, I get it...). You'll also be introduced to new talents from the PSU community, and it all goes to benefit the school's Student Pantry food bank. MS
w/Margaret Malone, Gigi Little; Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 5 pm, $5 or two non-perishable food items


KILLER—Tonight's the tour kickoff for Soft Kill, a new band boasting a powerful take on rigid goth-rock, with members of Group Hex, the Gossip, Meth Teeth, and Get Hustle, It's also the record release show for their An Open Door LP, out on Fast Weapons, plus with entry you'll get a free mix from DJ Nightschool! NL
w/Vice Device, Prescription Pills, DJ Nightschool, DJ Linoleum; Tube, 18 NW 3rd, 10 pm, $5

TINY GARDENS—So you live in an apartment, and there's a two-year waiting list for a plot in a community garden. But whether you've got a porch or just a windowsill, Heavy Petal blogger Andrea Bellamy has you covered—her Sugar Snaps and Strawberries is an accessible, comprehensive guide to small-space gardening. AH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE


FRIENDS 4EVA—With the bright, sweet "Tiny Hands," Hutch Harris' new band Forbidden Friends is a charmingly catchy counterpart to his usual Thermals gig. Forbidden Friends celebrate the single's release at tonight's show, for which some not-so-forbidden friends—Kathy Foster and Westin Glass, who you may know from his other band—will join Hutch. NL
w/Karen, Ersatz; Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny, 9 pm, FREE

EAT, DRINK, ROCK—The free shows every week at Bunk Bar are a fail-safe good time on a Tuesday, and tonight you can score the sunny, stoney harmonies of Old Light and the excellent, adventurous folk-rock of the Golden Bears. Throw in Bunk's delicious sandwiches and it's a feast for your ears and mouth. NL
Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water, 10 pm, FREE


WE LOVE YOU TOO—The finest Canadian rockers since the Constantines went on hiatus, the PS I Love You duo are making the rounds in support of their critically adored debut Meet Me at the Muster Station. Fans of noisy guitar rock, prepare to fall head over heels with your new favorite band. EAC
w/Diamond Rings, Mnemonic Sounds; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $12

WET COLD AMERICAN WINTER—You know Michael Showalter (The State, Wet Hot American Summer, Stella)! You love him! Now go see him! Stumping his comedic memoir, Mr. Funny Pants, and doing his smart, stand-up buffoonery, it's a great chance to get outta the rain and do some laughing. CF
Reading at Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 6 pm, FREE; performance at Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 9 pm, $12-14