MOUTHFUL—The Back Fence PDX storytelling event returns with the theme "That's a Mouthful." Storytellers include an undefeated leg wrestler, KRSK's Daria Elik, a competitive eater, and local funny-lady Shelley McLendon and her sister, Reno 911! and Bridesmaids alum Wendi McLendon-Covey. MS
Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 7:30 pm, $12-15

NERD PARTY—Conflict-of-interest alert! Mercury Editors Alison Hallett and Erik Henriksen put together a monthly night (well, semimonthly. Slackers.) combining two excellent local pastimes: comics and drinking in a basement. It's really fun! Tonight's Comics Underground hosts Dylan Meconis, Mike Russell, and other awesome comics creators. SM
Jack London Bar at the Rialto, 529 SW 4th, 8 pm, FREE, 21+


WRITE ME A LETTER—Before they head off to Europe for a spell later this month, you'd best catch Sallie Ford & the Sound Outside while you can. Portland's sure to miss Sallie's Olive Oyl-esque pipes and the band's dance-floor crowders, so make sure to get your fix before hibernating for the winter. CF
w/Pickwick; Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $13-17, all ages

MAKE IT SO!—An annual celebration onboard the USS Enterprise 1701-D, Captain Picard Day finds the Enterprise's children crafting their finest Jean-Luc Picard-inspired artworks—much to the captain's chagrin! Now Captain Picard Day is celebrated in Portland—all are invited to bring Picard-centric paintings, sculptures, or whatever, all shall appreciate the majesty of Picard, and there'll be over $200 worth of prizes. EH
Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, doors at 6 pm, judging at 7:30 pm, FREE

KOY JOYJo Koy is in a chronically good mood. The Tacoma native is happy discussing Asian stereotypes. He's happy imitating his Filipina mother. He's positively gleeful telling stories about his young son. Hell, the Chelsea Lately stand-up's delight is infectious—you might feel bad laughing at his comedic targets, but you will anyway. MJ
Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 7:30 & 10 pm, $29.50, all ages


A GO-GO—If you're looking for Saturday night fun, it's at the SE Hawthorne Eagles Lodge: The Satin Chaps play two sets of groovy go-go, plus the Suicide Notes offer a dose of girl-group sass, and Cécilia und die Sauerkrauts—German name notwithstanding—play French-language covers of '60s garage classics. AND a dance party 'til the wee hours? It's a happening! NL
Eagles Lodge, 4904 SE Hawthorne, 9:30 pm, $5

BRIDE OF CHRIST—Excellent Portland films are dominating this year's Northwest Filmmakers' Festival. Tonight's screening of E.P. Davee's How the Fire Fell, starring multi-talented actor/musician Joe Haege (31Knots, Menomena) as the Bride of Christ Church cult leader, is not to be missed. MS
NW Film Center at the Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park, 7 pm, $9, for fest schedule


CIRQUE DU JACKO—Imagine the technical expertise of Cirque du Soleil layered atop the music and moves of Michael Jackson, and BOOM! You've got Cirque's the Immortal World Tour. Expect dizzying acrobatics and freaky costumes, all backed up by a plethora of MJ's greatest videos and musical hits. WSH
Rose Garden, One Center Court, Fri-Sat 8 pm, Sun 4 pm, $50-175

BLEEP BLOOP—International dance night Ausland Schläge has quietly appeared on the radar in recent months, curated in part by several local record labels releasing skweee music. It's a strange, stiff brew of funk, samples, vintage synth, and post-dubstep, and it sounds like the future. Gulls play alongside tonight's headliner, Canadian producer Motëm. WE
Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny, 9 pm, 21+


BIZNESS—The performances of Merrill Garbus—better known as the eclectically capitalized tUnE-yArDs—are clattering, rapturous affairs, in which her loops of percussion and voice build into ecstatic, rhythmic releases. With a crack backing band and a genuinely joyous live show, Garbus is practically a force of nature. NL
w/Pat Jordache, Malaikat dan Singa; Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 8 pm, $15-17, all ages

DRUGS! CRIME! HISTORY!—Tonight's Oregon Encyclopedia History Night is about the best kind of history: One that's full of sex, drugs, and violence! Former Portland Police Sergeant Ray Tercek details the bust of a massive Rose City coke ring in the 1980s. SM
Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 7 pm, FREE, all ages


SANTA'S BACK!—Calling all kids! Santa's back and ready to take your order—so this time? DON'T SCREW IT UP. Wait patiently. Speak clearly. Limit your order to five items or less. Smile for the camera. Control your need to urinate. And most importantly, BE POLITE. (Especially to the elves. Trust me, they can be vindictive.) WSH
Lloyd Center, 2201 Lloyd Center, Mon-Sat 11 am-8 pm, Sun 11 am-6 pm, FREE

TWITARDBreaking Dawn, the only interesting Twilight book, gets the cinematic treatment. Edward bangs the ever-lovin' crap outta Bella, shattering their wedding bed with his jack-hammering vampire junk. Then we get to watch their evil fetus claw its way out of Bella's fragile human womb. No word yet if Breaking Dawn, Part 1 will get into teenage werewolf Jacob's all-consuming love for Bella's newborn baby. Fingers crossed! CF
Various Theaters, see Film Times for theaters and times


FOLK FLIERS—Folk-pop group Blind Pilot has returned home—for now. Known for their tour by bike following the release of their 2008 debut album, Blind Pilot is sure to keep you on your toes. Expect percussion-heavy tunes from the band's sophomore album We Are the Tide and come along for the ride. AZ
w/Point Juncture, WA; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $18-20, all ages

SAFARI—Estacada's Safari Club has long been a must-visit destination for fans of kitsch, taxidermy, and/or small-town weirdness. The bar's new owners just renovated, giving a deep clean to their collection of tigers, bears, and other big-game trophies. (Settle down, vegans, the menagerie is over 40 years old.) Plus! Wednesday is karaoke night. Karaoke, with tigers? Your move, Baby Ketten. AH
Safari Club, 116 SE 4th, Estacada