CANUCK STARS—Canada has given us so much over the years: maple syrup, rotary snowplows, and Stars (the band, not the burning balls of gas). With that angsty, sparsely populated sound we've come to expect from our Northern neighbors, the Toronto band produces hot jams akin to Broken Social Scene or Metric. So put on your good muff and come on out, eh? RF
w/Jets Overhead; Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $20, all ages

LEGOS—This is Portland. Toys aren't just for kids, for better or for worse, which is why the monthly Brick or Block Lego Tournaments at Cruzroom have become such cutthroat affairs. Co-presented with ShanRock's Triviology, come prepared to marvel at the amount of creativity your citymates have to burn on Legos. AH
Cruzroom, 2338 NE Alberta, 7 pm (limit 8 teams, 2-6 people per team), FREE


SIRENS—This year's Siren Nation Festival, a citywide celebration of women's work across creative fields, runs throughout the month with art, films, and crafts. Tonight kicks off its killer music lineup with La Sera, EMA, and JD Samson and MEN. The rest of the fest sees performances from Alela Diane, Jolie Holland, Rebecca Gates, and more. MS
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $15, for complete schedule

NERD ALERT—We're already fans of the Doubleclicks, Portland's own charming nerdfolk duo. But if that wasn't enough, tonight they're putting on #NerdNightOut—in which they'll be joined by comedians Tim Hammer and Erik Charles Nielsen, and YouTube ukulele sensation Molly Lewis. Excellent. EH
Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE MLK, 7:30 pm, $8


NORM—Mumbling, irreverent, with a weird undercurrent of pure nihilism—Norm MacDonald's comedy isn't for everyone, but the converted know that he's one of the best stand-ups working today. Comedy fans won't want to miss this one. AH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $25-35

HUMP ME!—It's here! HUMP! America's favorite amateur porn festival—and this year there are more five-minute films, fun, and sexual hijinks than ever! We guarantee you'll say, "WOW. I've never seen that before," in between squeals of glee, laughter, and yes, even horniness. WSH
Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, Thurs-Sun, for times & tickets, $15


DIVE IN—Two straight-up divey rock 'n' roll bands team up for a night at Portland's only dive bar with a functional fireplace. Barely drinking-age kids White Fang open up for gnarly old-school rockers Pierced Arrows tonight among the Tonic Lounge's stiff drinks and smelly dance floor. SM
w/K-Tel '79; Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, 9:30 pm, $7

FINE ART—It's time to consider retiring that "Guernica" print in favor of some original art, and Disjecta's annual art auction is just the place to do it. Cultivate your inner art collector by bidding on work from more than 50 participating local artists, plus debonair emceeing from AC Dickson. AH
Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, 7 pm, $20-25, 21+


LEONARD—The songs of Leonard Cohen may be painful and sad, but they're legendary in their beauty. Few have put as transcendent a point on melancholy as this elder statesman of folk (and beyond) music. His influence will stretch on for centuries, but you may be running out of time to see him perform the canon live. MS
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 8 pm, $39.50-250, all ages

FASHION HOTEL—What's sexier than meeting a stranger at a hotel? Meeting all your favorite Portland fashion designers, goods creators and models at the Ace Hotel. Sexy! At Content, local creatives take over 28 rooms to show off their lovelies with pomp and flair. Plus you can shop their merchandise at the Cleaners. CF
Ace Hotel, 1022 SW Stark, 5-10 pm, $15-20, all ages


HUMBLE & HILARIOUS—Ellen Forney is the best! It's rare to find such creativity mixed with such humility, but maybe the Seattle cartoonist explains how she came to be so awesome in her new graphic memoir. Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me explores bipolar disorder through Forney's typically hilarious comics. SM
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

YOUNG HICKORY—The ranks of Andrew Jackson Jihad have swollen. The invigorating folk-punk duo is performing as a quartet on this tour, and their enhanced size is the perfect accompaniment to their raucous, purgative live show. With uplifting anthems and bitter ballads, AJJ might be the best thing to ever come out of Phoenix. NL
w/Future of the Left, Jeff Rosenstock; Backspace, 115 NW 5th, 7:30 pm, $13, all ages


CELEBRATION ROCK—Proving that rock 'n' roll will truly never die, Vancouver duo Japandroids deliver pure fireballs of fist-pumping energy. "Epic" is a sorely overused word these days, but make no mistake: Japandroids' life-affirming, explosive rock is fucking epic. Get there early for the marvelous Bleached, who are the kind of band you wish Best Coast had turned out to be. NL
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 8:30 pm, $16, all ages

BRUNDLEFLY—In 1986, David Cronenberg and Jeff Goldblum unleashed the clever horror classic The Fly—in which a well-meaning scientist (Goldblum) gets his DNA scrambled with that of a housefly. Then pieces of him start falling off. See every disgusting detail in 35mm! EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, see Movie Times for showtimes, $5-7