Hi. I'm Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things you are wrong about:
Believing in ghosts: That's just bullshit.
Staying up until 2 am looking at Facebook photos of former boyfriends: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Toddlers wearing a fedora: That's wrong.
Grown women wearing a fedora: That's wrong.
Grown men wearing a fedora: That's wrong.
Feeling guilty about not taking down your Christmas decorations: Don't sweat it... you've got three more weeks.
Assuming the new Star Wars is going to be awesome: Wrong. It won't be.
Wearing sunglasses on the back of your head: They belong on the front of your head.
Paying over $1,000 to save the life of a cat: Wrong.
Winter farmer's markets: (Eye roll.) Wrong.
Yoga pants: Wrong.
Using a coffee shop as your personal office: Go somewhere else, wrong person.
Allowing Johnny Depp to make any filmmaking decision: He's always wrong.
"Just be yourself": Don't... because you're wrong.
Complaining about children on airplanes: You're the only child on this airplane.
Claiming you enjoy Ingmar Bergman films: No you don't.
Thinking FaceTime is fun: No it isn't.
"Tall soy half-caff white chocolate mocha no whip.": Wrong.
Your juice cleanse: You're wrong, and we don't want to hear about it.
"Uptown funk gonna give it to you.": Uptown funk has no intention of giving it to you.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Actually not so smart.
The Prophet Mohammad: Super overrated.
Luther the TV Show: You're wrong and you owe me an apology for suggesting it.
American snipers are okay, because they're not foreign snipers: Wrong.
Boyfriend jeans: Shut up. They're your jeans.