[Sponsored Content Created in Partnership with Reddi-wip® Discover the Real Cream Difference™ A Division of ConAgra Foods]

You must think I'm a fucking joke at this point.


Or is this your idea of "ironic commentary"? If so: touché, very droll, well played.

If not, maybe it's time for us to seriously revisit the whole premise of this relationship, because I don't propose to stand idly by while being made a fool of. You actually think Cool Whip is better than Reddi-wip®? Oh, no, excuse me—you think Cool Whip is a better "whipped cream" than Reddi-wip®.

I don't know which is more astonishing: your arrogance or your ignorance.

First of all, Cool Whip ISN'T EVEN WHIPPED CREAM. There's barely any cream even in it. It says right there on the tub, "Whipped Topping." That should've been your first fucking clue, brainwave. Meanwhile, let me just peruse the ingredients on this lovely can of Reddi-wip®, and... yep! Right there! First fucking item on the list: CREAM. I guess you're the kind of person who would rather top their desserts with hydrogenated oils instead of "15 calories of real cream per serving." Like how Jesus "might not have been the son of God," but "he was a great moral teacher"? And how "the free market will take care of Indiana"? And how the LGBTQ community should "take a chill pill" because "being married isn't even that great"? Right. Rightrightright. I get it now.

Fucking hilarious.