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Parent to Parent
“Crushing It”
Build A Better Parent
“Temper Temper”
Gone Girl
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So I had the sex talk with my 9-year-old daughter the other day, and Iām happy to report I CRUSHED IT. But let me tell you, the odds were stacked against me. Mom was at work, and my knowledge of female anatomy is... ummm, not embarrassingly terrible?
It started when my kid admitted to watching a somewhat inappropriate YouTube video. I told her, āYou know, thereās a big difference between the fantasy scenarios you see in videos and real life sexual situations.ā This was followed by a boilerplate statement Iāve been repeating since she was seven: āIf you ever have any questions about sex, be sure to askāIāll be completely honest.ā However, unlike the 127 times prior, this time she actually had questions! PANIC.
āDoes the manās penis go in the girlās pee-hole?ā PANIC.
āDo people have sex in each othersā bottoms?ā PANIC.
Switching to ādad mode,ā I immediately swallowed my fear (suppressing emotional responses is my super power) and looked at her with calm, wizened serenity.
āGood question! No, the penis does not go into the womanās pee-hole,ā I said. āLetās Google a diagram of female anatomy, and Iāll show you what Iām talking about.ā (Note: My father was lousy when it came to talking about sex, but in his defense, he didnāt have the internet.) I also deftly sidestepped the āsex in each othersā bottomsā question by telling her that sexual positions are less important than having a partner who truly cares for her, respects her comfort level, and is focused on what makes her feel safe and happy.
Long story short, this was a big moment in my parenting life, and I crushed it. Am I bragging? Damn right. But Iāll admit Iām not the best dad in the world. I lose my temper occasionally. I let my kids have too much sugar and screen time. And Iām refreshing Twitter when Iām supposed to be playing dolls. I mess up. A LOT. But on sex talk day, when it really mattered, I crushed it. I hope that, every now and then, you stop to realize youāre crushing it too.
All the parenting books in the world canāt prepare you for the reality of raising kids. Your entire lifeāeating, sleeping, the way you spend free timeāhas been suddenly and shockingly revised. Now thereās only one prime directive: keeping your children safe, fed, and healthy (and teaching them manners, so they donāt grow up to be jerks). And like me, youāre probably messing up a lot and secretly thinking that, as a parent, youāre the worst. But as the old saying goes, ā80 percent of success is showing up.ā And youāre showing up... every single day. So everything you do above and beyond showing up? I call that ācrushing it,ā my friend.
Despite what books and know-it-alls may tell you, there are no one-size-fit-all answers, and there never will be. But know this: Even when the answer temporarily eludes you, youāre still showing up. Youāre still trying. And youāre still crushing it.
Keep up the good work. Youāre doing it right.