This town's got a lot of lookers—but the ones who really make your heart go pitter patter are the ones who serve up your coffee and booze, offer you samples of produce, and cut your hair. You voted for 'em, now's your chance to ogle 'em: Behold! Portland's sexiest staffers!
(2821 SE Stark)
Boys, boys, boys! The staff at the Bonfire is a veritable sausage party, with nary a female in sight! (Unless you count all the ladies trying to look alluring in the flattering lights that camouflage the drool dribbling into their martinis.) Bonfire boys come in a variety of shapes and sizes—collect them all!—but they're all adorable. Just look at the shaggy hair, the casual masculinity of the cocktail-wielding arms... sigh. You'll want to move right in after a couple of hours perched at this bar watching them come and (more importantly) go. And with summer around the corner, the Bonfire is always one of the most popular spots to sit outside, where lovely Bonfire staffers will hook you up with drinks as well as opportunities to check out how their pectoral muscles move underneath a T-shirt.
NEW SEASONS MARKET
(6400 N Interstate; 5320 NE 33rd; 7300 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Hwy; I2I4 SE Tacoma; I954 SE Division, plus locations in the 'burbs)
For the second year in a row, Portland has rated the staff at New Seasons Market one of the sexiest around! Whoever said grocery shopping is a chore when you've got smiling faces like these to help you find what you're looking for, slice up your meat, offer you a cheese sample, or introduce you to an exciting new grapefruit?! The New Seasons employee will be turned on by your knowledge of local farming, as well as your enthusiasm for handmade sausages, bulk nuts, juicy fruit, and hot woks! Worth remembering: GMOs and squeaky shopping carts are definite "turn offs" for these hotties, so put together your grocery list, and head on down to the hottest "meat market" in town!
THE AALTO LOUNGE
(3356 SE Belmont)
This hip Southeast watering hole is named for Alvar Aalto, the "Father of Modernism." Perhaps it's this artistic pedigree that makes these cool bar staffers so very appealing. Or perhaps it's the dim lighting. (We didn't even recognize that one old guy on the right whose face looks like a sweet potato, which says something rather concerning about the effectiveness of our beer goggles. And yet? Still hot!) If you want to woo the Aalto crew, you'll need a fixed gear bike, expensive shoes, a neck tattoo, and an appreciation for caviar as a pizza topping. Turn offs include mojitos, wine snobbery, chattiness, libertarians, sports, and nuclear weapons proliferation. That's fair. I think "no nukes at the bar" is a pretty sensible guideline. The scrummy food, the options of indoor/outdoor, smoking or non, and the charming Jamie Lee Curtis references are enough reasons to seek solace at the Aalto, and this staff is a bonus sight for our sore eyes.
(3742 SE Hawthorne; 326 NW 2Ist; 2I0 NE 28th; I031 SW Columbia; 2I32 NE Alberta, with a new location at NW I0th & Everett coming soon!)
It's a commonly accepted fact that when someone washes your hair, a part of you ends up falling in love with them. Apparently the voting part, because Bishops came in strong this year as one of Portland's most do-able staffs! Not only are the stylists and receptionists prettily turned out, they have a secret weapon: free beer! Hair washing, alcohol, and good looks form an indestructible trifecta of hotness, as proven by the fact that they've stolen the hearts and horniness of Portlanders everywhere! Bishops employees are also snappy dressers and have that crafty collage thing going for them—creativity is soo hot! It's enough to make you wish your hair grew faster and want to dye your hair every color of the rainbow just so you can keep coming back to the cozy embrace of the hottest barbershop in town: Bishops!
(5305 SE Foster)
Considering the fact that Portland is known as a sort of Shangri-la of stripping, being voted the hottest staff of a PDX club is no small potatoes! Maybe it's because the dancers really push the boundaries of their profession—in some cases it feels wrong to call it stripping, because it's something more akin to performance art. You'll also find a lot of ink on these ladies' skins, along with the occasional mohawk—forget the cookie-cutter Playboy Bunny look, when you step into Devils Point, be prepared for a whole 'nother bag. The staff loves Jägermeister, chains, fast cars, and dirty bathrooms (cold hard cash works too), but leave your letterman jackets and Bibles at home! Although it's contested almost as much as it's declared, Portland is supposed to have the highest number of strip clubs per capita, so you know the Point has something special goin' on to make it stand out!
STUMPTOWN COFFEE ROASTERS
(4525 SE Division; 3356 SE Belmont; I28 SW 3rd; 3352 SE Belmont; I026 SW Stark)
It's widely known that Portland has a major boner for coffee, and apparently that's not all that's making pulses race around here. The staff at Stumptown (which has many caffeine-fiend friendly locations dotted across town, including a new downtown café) had a strong showing in this year's poll, sending the message loud and clear that Portland's fallen for the quintessential coolness of the Stumptown staffer. These beef- and cheesecakes not only whip up a mean latte, they can also expound on the most cutting-edge experimental films, are in really interesting bands (or have great taste in music), and have a predilection for esoteric literature—or at least they look like they do. The best way to a Stumptown staffer's heart is probably through their brain, and possibly through their veins, which surely are pumping caffeine levels that would make even a seasoned Portlander dizzy. In this town, that basically means these heavenly hunks and hunkettes walk among the gods.