STEP UP ALL IN "Bucket delivery! Which one of you ordered a bucket?"

HI, EVERYBODY! I just watched Step Up All In, and it was the best time I've had at the movies in ages. In fact, since I rank movies based on percentage spent dancing, I feel safe in declaring this my favorite movie of 2014. So much dancing!

Step Up All In picks up where 2012's Step Up Revolution left off: It's been six months since they won a Nike ad, and now the Mob dance crew, led by a guy with a sexy-ass thick neck, has relocated to LA. But LA is hard on dancers, so the Mob disbands—leaving ol' Thickneck to form a new crew for a Las Vegas reality show called THE VORTEX. Our favorites from the 75 previous Step Up movies (estimate) return with all sorts of fresh ways of bringing down the system through the power of dance, and falling in love.

If you're wondering if this movie has everything, the answers are: NO DOI, and also, FUCK YES.

It got me thinking pretty seriously about starting my own dance crew! Step Up All In makes it look easy. All I'll have to do is recruit dancers with diverse body types and cultural background from other winning crews. At least two of you have to shave half of your heads, and everybody has to wear a crop top, but I get to wear the beanie that says "HOMIES" because I'll be in charge. Zany names are preferred. And can any of you surf chandeliers?

Once we're in the dance crew, we'll say stuff like "BATTLE ON THE FLOOR!" and "Believe, yo," and "I love dancing!" Once we finish our dances, we'll throw our hands up in the air and yell at the crowd like we're mad at them, but we won't actually be mad. Then we'll go, "We're the best crew—no, the best friends."

If you like things that are amazing, go see Step Up All In. And if you want to be on my dance crew, please DM me immediately. I have so many ideas for crop tops.