Why vote for ordinary, untrustworthy candidates, when you can throw your support behind those who are super-powered?

Secretary of State: BILL BRADBURY
Super Power: Fastidious and Hygienic

HERE'S OUR THEORY: As a child, Lynn Snodgrass was ruthlessly teased by her schoolyard peers, calling her "Snotty-Ass" and other clever derivations of her name. This mockery severely traumatized her, and she has translated that pain into being so fucking mean to the rest of humanity. But don't just vote for Pacific Green Party Lloyd Marbet or incumbent Bill Bradbury just to vote against Snod-ass. Vote because they are the right men. That said, we went with Bill over Lloyd simply because, while Lloyd is very much the Right Man, he's not the Right Man for this job. While we agree with his agenda for campaign reform, the Secretary of State is not a "bully pulpit," as Lloyd's campaign manager told us Lloyd plans to use the position. The position involves consensus-building, not soap-boxing. While Lloyd kicks serious ass, he'd be a better legislator. Hence, we choose the very safe, fastidious, hygienic Bill Bradbury. Moreover, he's kind of cute, and trustworthy--in a dentist or gynecologist or Secretary of State kind of way.

State Rep. District 11: MARY NOLAN
Super Power: Bullshit Detector

YOU KNOW how a lot of politicians make their argument on statements like, "I'm going to do a lot of really good stuff, that will be really good good for good people, like you." Well, Mary Nolan is a rare bird: She is willing to take a stand and identify real solutions in the face of much controversy. She opposes Measure 87--the initiative that tries to ban sex shops and curtail free speech. She's an advocate for increased educational spending, livable neighborhoods, affordable healthcare, and personal freedoms. She's spearheading the charge against Lon Mabon with her pro-choice group. Though she would be a rookie in the State Rep seat, she's had 12 years public service experience, including serving as the Director of Environmental Services here in Portland. In fact, Mary Nolan is involved in so many good projects, that we are convinced she's part of cloning experiments at OHSU. We give two rousing thumbs up to her well-rounded platform and personality.

Supreme Court Judge: PAUL DeMUNIZ
Super Power: Big Heart & Brain

THE OREGON Supreme Court holds sway over such real-life issues as the right to die, search and seizure procedures, and freedom of speech. Currently, our bank of Justices is equally balanced with intellectual ideologies and viewpoints. But this race threatens to tip the scales of justice.

After turning over a few stones, we quickly realized that homegrown Paul DeMuniz is our champ. He has patiently worked his way up the ladder, from public defender to Court of Appeals. Along the way, he's gathered kudos for being both wise and fair from those in the know, like Mark Hatfield and Neil Goldschmidt. Not only that, but his opponent, Greg Byrne, is a chump. Sure, he's got a degree from Harvard Law School, but he's still Bill Sizemore's lapdog. This is not a political position. This is a place for somber and non-partisan contemplation. Byrne has proclaimed he will serve as a counterbalance to what he believes are the current liberal ideals of the Oregon bench, Byrne has by-passed the routine training grounds of lower courts and is trying to leap in at the top rung. Our state's scale of justice don't need this dead weight.

State Rep. District 19: JO ANN BOWMAN
Super Power: Deflates Blowhards

JO ANN could very well be the coolest state representative in the country. Her favorite singer is the sultry Erykah Badu. Her fashion statement: leather. Her husband, Skip, is a jazz musician. She hates guns and corporate businesses, but loves kids, gay rights, and a fair justice system. Jo Ann is a chief petitioner of Measure 94.

If elected, this will be Jo Ann's third and last term. (She is a great argument against term limits.) With legislation on a range of issues, from juvenile justice to environmental protections, she's already made a great impact. As one of the few African American politicians in the state, she's also had a more subtle impact on the legislative body.

"My first day in the legislative body I went up to the House lounge," Jo Ann told us. "I was looking in the fridge and I heard a voice behind me that said 'You can't be here, this is for legislators.' I turned around with a big smile on my face and said 'Hi, I'm Representative Bowman. How are you?' The only thing this man could say was 'Oh, you look so young.' But, he and I both knew it was because I'm African American. I wanted the opportunity to be educational rather than humiliating for him."