What do hipsters want more than anything? Breathable polyester? No. To be on the cutting edge? Yes. Help them this holiday season with these super-hip gifts.

Talking Underwear

Not yet! Here's the next best thing: Grundies with a message! The devilish peeps at Underwear Hell ("This time she's not laughing at your genitals, art fag!") have a full line of $12 panties, briefs, thongs, and boxers embossed with politically and socially incorrect phraseology that is chock full of hilarity. However, if underpants-dropping lines such as "Tastes Just Like Chicken," and "If You're Already This Close... Why Don't You Suck My Dick?" don't float your DIY boat, write your own! Put that Sharpie away--Underwear Hell pays $200 for original slogans! With your own line of underwear, you'll be more than hip; you'll be hep.

Underwear, $12, www.tshirthell. com/underwearhell.htm

Cannabis Vodka

What could be a hipper gift than that which walks the fine line of legality? Show your hipster a good time with a nice fat bottle of L'or Cannabis Vodka, complete with pot seeds floating inside! Made from the beniko species of marijuana, this jug of pot juice is 40% alcohol and can be used just like regular vodka. And just to ante up the hipster quotient, it comes from the Czech Republic, which contains Prague, the Bohemian mecca of the Western World.

L'or Cannabis Vodka, $29.26 per bottle or $165.48 for a case of six (depending on fluctuations in the rate of exchange), available from TheDrinkShop.com

An Advertisement from Breakers!

Groundbreaking new fashion design laboratory IBE's new product, Breakers!, are moving so fast they're now only available on a made-to-order basis. Breakers! are for people who fly nonstop from New Zealand to Portland, Oregon. Breakers! are not socks. Breakers! interpret the language of your foot so your shoes can understand what they're saying. Breakers! look like a cross between a striped knee-high tube sock and a sock garter, but they are all built into one piece and let your calf breathe, but at the same time look really cool like a knee-high. And they have stripes! If Breakers! had been invented before Showgirls was filmed, Elizabeth Berkley would have been wearing them in the movie, I'm pretty sure. Breakers! Break out of the sock mold. Breakers!, $8, email

aaron@portlandmercury.com to order

Chameleon Phone

Nothing says electroclash like the sweet sounds of Boy George. When this chic and adorable phone starts blowing up with a call, the chameleon opens his eyes, sits up, and belts out Culture Club's 1983 chart-topper "Karma Chameleon," while the ladybird plays a mouth harp! When the lizard gets to the line that goes "red, gold, and green"--omigod--his little chest turns those colors!

Chameleon Phone, $110.99 includes shipping!, available at Gadgets.co.uk (This item is HOT so order ASAP to get in time for Christmas!)