THURSDAY, JANUARY 22

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

Michael and Dwight go undercover at their rival's paper company. Five bucks says fake moustaches are involved.

9:30 NBC 30 ROCK

Jack drags Liz to a corporate retreat, and Jenna works on her absolutely retarded Janis Joplin impersonation.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 23

9:00 TOON STAR WARS: CLONE WARS

This week guest starring Star Trek's George Takei who has now appeared on every nerd show in existence.

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

This episode is entitled, "The Disquiet that Follows My Soul." BSG, you have jumped the shark.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 24

8:00 TLC MISS AMERICA 2009

This year it's on TLC, next year watch it on Boise's public access channel.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 25

9:00 HBO BIG LOVE

Ana learns it's not easy going out with polygamists—especially when it's a group date.

9:00 SCIFI PLANET RAPTOR—Movie

(2007) In the future, monsters rule the planet—that is until they get a taste of our rocket launchers. Ka-BOOM!

MONDAY, JANUARY 26

8:00 FOX 24

President Taylor must decide if she's going to negotiate with terrorists. Offer them iPhones!

9:00 MTV BROMANCE

Brody makes the final four contestants model extra tight jeans. Mmmm... hmmmmmm.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 27

9:00 ABC SCRUBS

JD tries to teach the staff "compassion" with help from special guests, the Sesame Street gang!

10:00 FX NIP/TUCK

Christian goes to a breast cancer support group—and not to pick up chicks! Probably.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 28

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

Auditions (AKA the abject national humiliations) continue.

9:00 ABC LOST

The castaways try to stop the island's erratic jumps through time. (But first, can we stop by the '70s? I need some coke.)