THURSDAY, MARCH 5
9:00 NBC THE OFFICE
Pam and Jim have an uncomfortable double date with Phyllis and Bob Vance (of Vance Refrigeration). Oh god... is nudity involved?
9:30 NBC 30 ROCK
Liz tries to manipulate a pregnant teenage doughnut shop employee to give up her baby... and a dozen crullers.
FRIDAY, MARCH 6
9:00 FOX DOLLHOUSE
Echo is imprinted with the personality of a safecracker—and hopefully she'll find the combination to make this a successful show.
10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Three episodes left! May I put in a request for these episodes not to SUCK?
SATURDAY, MARCH 7
9:00 BBCA ASHES TO ASHES
Debut! A spinoff of Life on Mars, a female detective is shot and wakes up in 1981. Totally tubular! (Except for the gunshot wound.)
SUNDAY, MARCH 8
9:00 SHO THE L WORD
Series finale! To find out who murdered Jenny, the entire gang is tossed into jail by cop/lesbian heartthrob Lucy Lawless!
10:30 HBO EASTBOUND & DOWN
Kenny compiles his best major league moments on DVD (though he may want to leave out the time he called New York "JEW York.")
MONDAY, MARCH 9
9:00 ABC CASTLE
Debut! Sexy mystery writer Castle (Nathan Fillion) denies being a serial killer, but admits to being a serial porker.
TUESDAY, MARCH 10
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
The top 12 finalists perform for the first time—however, keep that liquor and gun cabinet locked!
9:00 ABC PRIMETIME: WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Hidden cameras show what normal people do when faced with ethical dilemmas, and unsurprisingly, it ain't pretty.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 11
8:00 NBC THE CHOPPING BLOCK
Debut! A bunch of inept cooks compete to impress a dickish limey chef. Why does this sound familiar?
10:00 COM SOUTH PARK
Season premiere! Cartman, Kyle, and a poop-ton of poop jokes return for a poop-tastic 13th season!