THURSDAY, AUGUST 6
8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
Season finale! The winner is announced—but really... does anyone actually "win" with this show?
10:00 IFC BOLLYWOOD HERO
Debut! A mini-series starring SNL alum Chris Kattan as an out-of-work actor trying to make it big in Bollywood.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 7
9:00 USA MONK
Season premiere! Monk plays bodyguard for a former child actor who is... well... okay, she's kind of a beav.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 8
9:00 SYFY INFESTATION—Movie
(2009) A homeowner discovers that a regular pest control company might not do the trick when GIANT ALIEN BUGS ATTACK THE PLANET!! AAAHHHH!!
10:00 ABC DIRTY SEXY MONEY
Series finale! Simon vows revenge on his family, now that all his back stab wounds have healed.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 9
9:00 CBS THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Debut! Eight suburban families have their homes walled off from the outside world—and why can't we do that to the rest of suburbia?
10:00 COM THE JOAN RIVERS ROAST
Kathy Griffin, Jeffrey Ross, and Lily Tomlin trot out their best filthy plastic surgery jokes to roast Joan Rivers.
MONDAY, AUGUST 10
8:00 FOX TEEN CHOICE AWARDS
The Jonas Brothers host this annual... you know what? When I was a teen, I NEVER had a choice!
10:00 BRAVO KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST
Season finale! Kathy's efforts to advance to the B-list fail miserably, which is exactly why I stay on the R-list. I got the whole place to myself!
TUESDAY, AUGUST 11
8:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN
When the chefs cook a meal for a soldier returning from Iraq, he realizes it was safer in Baghdad.
11:35 NBC THE TONIGHT SHOW
Conan welcomes Mad Men's JON HAMM! JON HAMM! JON HAMM! (Sorry... I just love yelling JON HAMM!)
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12
9:00 DSC MAN VS. WILD
Season premiere! Bear visits the Arctic Circle where he hunts reindeer and drinks his own urine. (Not that he needs to; he just likes the taste.)
10:30 COM MICHAEL AND MICHAEL HAVE ISSUES
When the Michaels are booked for a college tour, they inadvertently cause another Kent State situation.