THURSDAY, AUGUST 27
10:00 SHO PENN & TELLER: BULLSHIT!
Season finale! For their final episode of the season, the magicians call B.S. on the magic kingdom of B.S.: the Vatican!
10:00 USA ROYAL PAINS
Season finale! Hank treats a hallucinating woman, which wouldn't be so awful if she wasn't hallucinating that he's a giant crab.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 28
9:00 USA MONK
The obsessive-compulsive Monk poses as an assassin, which means he has to lock and load and lock and load and lock....
SATURDAY, AUGUST 29
9:00 NBC WRESTLEMANIA'S 25th ANNIVERSARY
Triple H, Undertaker, and more celebrate 25 years of homoerotic body slams and pile drivers.
9:00 BBCA BEING HUMAN
Season finale! Three roommates (a vampire, werewolf, and ghost) wage an epic battle to save humanity (and argue over the chore wheel).
SUNDAY, AUGUST 30
9:00 SYFY HIGH PLAINS INVADERS—Movie
(2009) Buffy's James Marsters stars as a Wild West cowboy battling uranium-based aliens. Yee-haw?
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
The writers are forced to work overtime—which means more late-night alcohol-fueled sexist shenanigans!
MONDAY, AUGUST 31
10:00 OXY DANCE YOUR ASS OFF
Season finale! It's the final weigh-in to see which contestant's ass has literally been danced off.
10:30 VH1 TOOL ACADEMY
Season premiere! Another gaggle of bad boyfriends (or "tools" if you prefer) get humiliated by their naggy gals!
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1
10:00 FX RESCUE ME
Season finale! Janet and Sheila's perfect scheme goes to hell in a proverbial hand basket.
10:00 SPIKE SURVIVING DISASTER
Debut! Helpful tips on what to do when terrorists hijack your airplane. Hint: calling the airline to complain probably won't help.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2
8:30 CBS FALL PREVIEW
CBS trots out clips of their fall shows, which include NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, and Matlock: NCIS.
9:00 FOX GLEE
If you missed it the first time, be sure to catch the pilot for the most nerdtastic theater geek show ever!