THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

Another "Secret Santa" party is ruined when Michael and Phyllis square off to see who plays Santa!

10:00 FX IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

Season finale! The gang decides to take on their old rivals in the city's biggest flip-cup tournament. (And no, I have no idea what it means either.)

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11

8:00 FOX DOLLHOUSE

Echo struggles with multiple-memory downloads in this two-hour episode (AKA Fox burning off the canceled series as quickly as possible).

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12

8:00 FOX COPS

In this very special holiday episode, the cops find a john porking a prostitute in his car. Get it? Ho, ho, ho?

8:00 SPIKE VIDEO GAME AWARDS

The nerdtastic ceremony celebrating all things videogames. (So when's Frogger getting a lifetime achievement award?)

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Hosted by Twilight's Taylor Lautner (me: "EEEEE!!!"). Musical guest Bon Jovi (my mom: "EEEEEEEE!!").

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13

9:00 A&E THE JACKSONS: A FAMILY DYNASTY

Debut! A reality show depicting how the remaining Jackson brothers are trying to mount a comeback without Michael. Saaaaaaad.

10:00 ABC OPRAH'S CHRISTMAS AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Oprah tags along with the Obamas as they prepare what will undoubtedly be the cutest Christmas ever.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 14

8:00 ABC JENNIFER HUDSON: I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

The American Idol finalist and film star trots out the holiday classics—BUT WHERE IS CLAY AIKEN?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15

9:00 FOX GORDON RAMSAY: COOKALONG LIVE

The Hell's Kitchen chef invites YOU to cook a three-course dinner with him... and don't screw it up, you fucking donkey!

10:00 OXY BAD GIRLS CLUB

Flo and Natalie's attempts to mend their relationship end with pulling out each other's weaves.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16

10:00 A&E STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN

This week Seagal tops himself by breaking a suspect's femur and then making him eat it.

10:00 FX NIP/TUCK

Season finale! Sean is asked to remove fat from a guy on death row. Please let this not end well!