THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10
9:00 NBC THE OFFICE
Another "Secret Santa" party is ruined when Michael and Phyllis square off to see who plays Santa!
10:00 FX IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA
Season finale! The gang decides to take on their old rivals in the city's biggest flip-cup tournament. (And no, I have no idea what it means either.)
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11
8:00 FOX DOLLHOUSE
Echo struggles with multiple-memory downloads in this two-hour episode (AKA Fox burning off the canceled series as quickly as possible).
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12
8:00 FOX COPS
In this very special holiday episode, the cops find a john porking a prostitute in his car. Get it? Ho, ho, ho?
8:00 SPIKE VIDEO GAME AWARDS
The nerdtastic ceremony celebrating all things videogames. (So when's Frogger getting a lifetime achievement award?)
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Hosted by Twilight's Taylor Lautner (me: "EEEEE!!!"). Musical guest Bon Jovi (my mom: "EEEEEEEE!!").
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13
9:00 A&E THE JACKSONS: A FAMILY DYNASTY
Debut! A reality show depicting how the remaining Jackson brothers are trying to mount a comeback without Michael. Saaaaaaad.
10:00 ABC OPRAH'S CHRISTMAS AT THE WHITE HOUSE
Oprah tags along with the Obamas as they prepare what will undoubtedly be the cutest Christmas ever.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 14
8:00 ABC JENNIFER HUDSON: I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
The American Idol finalist and film star trots out the holiday classics—BUT WHERE IS CLAY AIKEN?
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15
9:00 FOX GORDON RAMSAY: COOKALONG LIVE
The Hell's Kitchen chef invites YOU to cook a three-course dinner with him... and don't screw it up, you fucking donkey!
10:00 OXY BAD GIRLS CLUB
Flo and Natalie's attempts to mend their relationship end with pulling out each other's weaves.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16
10:00 A&E STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN
This week Seagal tops himself by breaking a suspect's femur and then making him eat it.
10:00 FX NIP/TUCK
Season finale! Sean is asked to remove fat from a guy on death row. Please let this not end well!