THURSDAY, MAY 24

8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?

Season premiere! The developmentally delayed version of American Idol returns.

10:30 MTV HUMAN GIANT

Season finale! Don't miss this hee-larious (and suitably twisted) sketch comedy show!

FRIDAY, MAY 25

8:00 TOON STORM HAWKS

Debut! Fast-paced cartoon action featuring flying motorcycles. (Might want to up your seizure medication.)

11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

Season finale! If you like your political punditry with a little potty mouth thrown in, this is the show for you.

SATURDAY, MAY 26

8:30 FX ALIEN VS. PREDATOR—Movie

(2004) Ugh. I lost so much money betting on this fight. That's the last time I wager on interstellar boxing!

SUNDAY, MAY 27

8:00 VH1 THE SPRINGER HUSTLE

While booking The Jerry Springer Show, producers wonder if onstage coitus with a live pig may be pushing it.

12:15 am TOON MORAL OREL

Little Orel finds new and increasingly depraved ways of pleasing God.

MONDAY, MAY 28

8:00 FOX ON THE LOT

Judge Steven Spielberg sends one of the aspiring filmmakers home by giving them the E.T. "finger."

10:00 E! THE SIMPLE LIFE GOES TO CAMP

Season premiere! Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie return to help out at a fat camp. Ohhhh, that's perfect!

TUESDAY, MAY 29

9:00 FOX HOUSE

Season finale! Dr. House sends an ailing Cuban refugee away, because she forgot to bring him cigars.

10:00 FX THE SHIELD

Vic and Ronnie concoct a deadly plan to solve a series of murders. Maybe these two would be better off opening an ice cream parlor.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 30

8:00 ABC THE NEXT BEST THING

Debut! An American Idol for celebrity impersonators. I'll never make fun of So You Think You Can Dance? again.

8:00 CW HIDDEN PALMS

Debut! A teenager goes from rehab into the sinister world of Palm Springs. Loosely based, no doubt, on the life of Lindsay Lohan.