THURSDAY, JUNE 26

10:00 ABC HOPKINS 24/7

Season premiere! Behind the scenes at Johns Hopkins Hospital. (It's like Grey's Anatomy, except no sex and they practice medicine).

10:00 NBC FEAR ITSELF

A bride learns she's about to be murdered at her wedding. That's one way for the groom to get out of it.

FRIDAY, JUNE 27

8:00 ABC DANCE MACHINE

Debut! If it's called Dance Machine, why doesn't it feature dance-offs between robots?

SATURDAY, JUNE 28

9:00 ANI GROOMER HAS IT

Season finale! The final two groomers compete in a winner-takes-all dog show.

9:00 COM HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE—Movie

(2004) It's the same old story: Boys meet dope, boys smoke dope, boys look for hamburger.

SUNDAY, JUNE 29

8:00 NBC U.S. OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS

The only time it's actually patriotic to lust after men in Speedos.

10:00 SPIKE FACTORY

Debut! A new comedy from the co-creator of Strangers with Candy about four extremely lazy factory workers.

MONDAY, JUNE 30

9:00 ABC THE BACHELORETTE

The men return to reveal their innermost emotions, which consists of, "Uhh... I dunno... got a beer?"

10:00 E! THE SOUP PRESENTS

Hilarious clip show The Soup presents this searing investigative report on drunk reality show stars.

TUESDAY, JULY 1

8:00 FAM THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER

Debut! A new high school drama starring Molly Ringwald? YES! (Oh, wait... she's playing a parent.)

9:00 ABC I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW

The ladies begin to reconsider entering the contest after being asked to climb a slippery pole in a miniskirt.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 2

8:00 NBC BABY BORROWERS

If the teen couples have to take care of real babies, why can't they have real sex?

10:00 COM SOUTH PARK

In this hilarious repeat, the kids use Guitar Hero to drive their hippie parents insane.