8:00 NBC FRIENDS
Monica gets in a knock-down, drag-out with another bride over a wedding dress!
8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS
After a fight with Dean, Rory decides to soothe her hurt feelings by slipping her tongue down Tristin's throat.
9:00 A&E IT'S BURLESQUE
Dirty comics and pasty-wearing strippers: a historical look at your grandparents' porn.
10:00 MTV THE ANDY DICK SHOW
Andy dresses up as a Hollywood midget wrangler. Because, see... midgets are FUNNY!
8:00 TNT DIRTY DANCING--Movie
(1987) Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray star in this entertaining salute to dry-humping.
8:00 USA THE MARY KAY LETOURNEAU STORY--Movie
(2000) The greatest homage to intereducational romance since Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher."
8:00 A&E BIOGRAPHY
A peek behind the scenes of the show responsible for my graduation from high school: Sesame Street!
8:00 NBC FACE/OFF--Movie
(1997) Hilarity and carnage ensue when an FBI agent and a criminal exchange faces and lives.
8:30 NBC THE CROCODILE HUNTER
Croc hunter Steve Irwin shows his favorite clips of snakes and alligators eating his ass.
9:00 FOX ALLY McBEAL
Cage and Fish travel to Los Angeles where they are immediately locked up for (surprise!) doing something stupid.
9:00 FOX MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE
Reese is defeated in wrestling by a GIRL, which means he can pretty much kill himself now.
10:00 TNT FARGO--Movie
(1996) Minnesotan housewife is kidnapped and experiences a rather unfortunate run-in with a wood-chipper.
9:30 ABC THE JOB
Denis Leary gets the opportunity to tongue-kiss Elizabeth Hurley, which I would also do if I had my own show.