THURSDAY, APRIL 8 9:00 NBC THE APPRENTICE In order to land the job with Donald Trump, the final contestants must shed every last ounce of morality. Hooray for capitalism! 10:00 GSN KENNY VS. SPENNY Check out this very amusing reality show that pits two best friends against each other in an array of stupid competitions.

FRIDAY, APRIL 9 8:30 FOX WORLD'S CRAZIEST VIDEOS A pant-load of unusual clips, which I hope includes video of a monkey riding a duck. 9:30 A&E RESERVOIR DOGS--Movie (1992) Quentin Tarantino's tale of a gang of color-coordinated crooks who turn everything blood red.

SATURDAY, APRIL 10 9:00 TOON STAR WARS: CLONE WARS Episodes 1-5 of this fun series of mini-Star Wars cartoons. 10:00 MTV PIMP MY RIDE A crack team of auto detailers takes a viewer's crappy car and pimp that shit out right.

SUNDAY, APRIL 11 9:00 ABC THE NICK AND JESSICA VARIETY HOUR Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson star in what could be the most horrifying train wreck in recent TV history. DON'T MISS IT!! 9:00 HBO THE SOPRANOS Carmela jumps on the canoodle train with A.J.'s student adviser!

MONDAY, APRIL 12 8:00 ABC AIR FORCE ONE--Movie (1997) An unintentionally hee-larious flick where Harrison Ford plays a terrorist beatin', nut-kicking President of the USA!

TUESDAY, APRIL 13 8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL Omigod. Is this the LAMEST group of finalists ever? Vote them all out tonight! 9:00 FOX 24 More bad news for Jack when Prez Palmer tells him that a top CTU agent must be killed in order to stop the virus.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 14 8:00 WB SMALLVILLE When Jonathan starts to withdraw from the family, Clark suspects his real pop Jor-El is up to his old shenanigans. 9:00 FOX THE O.C. Luke is in a serious car accident, and even worse? Sandy and Jimmy's liquor license is denied!