Dance Team Tryouts—Let your inner Shirley Temple shine with tryouts for the Confetti Yeti High-Steppers dance team. Smiling girls between the ages of nine and 12 should prepare a three-minute routine to perform for a panel of judges, including Mayor Bill Curless and 1995's Li'l Miss Pumpkin Queen. Please note: Mrs. Rhonda Gehring requests candidates use the west doors as to avoid the annual confusion with The Bad Seed auditions. Troutdale Gun Club, Sat 4-6 pm, bring a regulation baton

Art Installation Protest—Because that thing they put up in Pioneer Heroes Plaza just ain't right, and you know it. What is that thing anyway? My tax dollars, that's what. SW Main & Hayward, Fri 5 pm, come angry, stay late

Asbestos Clean-Up Party—As we all know, the Troutdale Community Center is chockablock with something the health marshal calls "asbestos." So let's make this fun, Trouters! We'll be decorating our white jumpsuits with puffy paint, and wearing fun hats—so bring plenty of enthusiasm and elbow grease. Troutdale Community Center, Sat 11 am-5 pm, free powdered doughnuts from the Daughters of the Revolution, sponges and buckets provided

Math Club Fundraiser—The Troutdale High math club, Math Hysteria, is raising money to go to Mad Math championships at Olympia's Thunderdome. They'll be collecting gently used teabags to recycle and sell as earrings at the upcoming Teabaggers Rally. Big Ed's Gas Farm, 12 Black Lodge Road, Sun all day, no loose tea leaves please

Feral Cat Roundup—Because some chucklehead tourist at the Ernest Hemingway Memorial Rest Stop thought it would be cute to loose a bag of angry cats, we need volunteers for the bimonthly Troutdale Thwack and Bag. Ketchum Highway, reconnoiter by Mile Marker 54, Sun 9 am, bring durable gloves, sacks and snacks provided