DJ SPARKS
(Ash Street, 225 SW Ash) All you single-personalitied suckers are about to go down, because the sun and stars are settling into Gemini's astrological dominion. And Geminis are the most fun and sociopathic of them all, so you better watch it while they're taking their turn running the astrological show. You're either with 'em or against 'em, and those with 'em will be treated to a very cheap hiphop show. Herb enthusiast Madgesdiq spits mellow, feel-good lines that are perfect for a warm night, and those lousy three dollars stinking up your pocket getcha two DJs to boot. And while you're gettin' your thang on under Mercury's rule, keep an eye out for twins and fun-loving treachery. MARJORIE SKINNER

NEW SOCIETY, ENTER THE RACE, ALMOST FRIDAY, THROWBACK, DAYTON
(Paris, 6 SW 3rd) We don't get too much of this up here, what with the lack of sun, organized sports and a musical history that has more to do with flannels than frosted hair and Atticus tees. But head down to Southern California and the "bro" is an integral part of all rock scenes. He comes in all forms and genres (from "emo bro" to "hiphop bro") and is about as easy to spot down there as palm trees, smog, or traffic jams. New Society originally hail from Tualatin, but recently made the move to Bro Mecca: Hermosa Beach, CA. There, they can smoke a bowl with Pennywise (the bands not only share a producer, but a similar sound) and work on those guitar slides and onstage jumps. CARMELO MARTINEZ

FRIDAY 5/23

THE ADVENT, MANI MIGLANI, JESCO SCHUCK, DLYTE
(Ohm, 31 NW 1st) Though techno is originally the sound of black Detroit in the late '80s, pseudo-ravers from across the pond have perfected it. The Advent laid the groundwork for the post-Detroit sound with their album Elements of Life, which still exudes as much dynamism and bass wallop as when it was released nearly a decade ago. They'll be playing live sets on this tour, as opposed to simply showing up with a bag of records, which is a rare treat--their live appearances across Europe in the mid-'90s are legendary. With the recent closure of Starbass Records, which was a West Burnside hub for techno and its derivatives, it's especially nice to see that the futuristic boom-boom is still strong in Portland. ELLIOTT ADAMS

8 FT. TENDER, ELECTRIC EYE, THE HIGH AND THE MIGHTY
(Twilight, 1420 SE Powell) Everyone needs to try Electric Eye at least once. At 20 paces, it probably sounds like simpler cacophony than it is, but you shouldn't and won't want to be anywhere other than balls-to-the-speakers front row. At ear-splitting volume, they do music that could be heard at a beach blanket bingo party with chicks in tasseled bikinis. This is distracted by the fact that the singer rages around, singing everything in hardcore mode. Step through the noise flaps into the best of both worlds. The High and The Mighty have a solid, melodic hard rock style that reminds me a tiny bit of some old Butthole Surfers. And 8 Ft. Tender play the punk rock briskly and with regularity. MS

FLAMING LIPS, LIZ PHAIR, STARLIGHT MINTS
(Crystal, 1332 W Burnside) Although it started with good intentions, this sold-out alternative mega show is by far the dirtiest show to pass through town in years. Allegedly, Liz Phair's new album has a song on it called "Hot White Cum." I'm not one to badmouth cum, but when the lyrics to your semen ditty describe it as "the fountain of youth, the meaning of life," I think I'll pass. Meanwhile, The Flaming Lips are just a front for the Furry agenda to infiltrate the mainstream media and our impressionable American children. The Lips, in cahoots with those deviants at Disney, are spreading the propaganda that it's okay to fuck one who wears an animal outfit while listening to a soundtrack of psychedelic pop. I need a shower just thinking about this depravity. CM

THE DECEMBERISTS, SIN ROPAS,

THE DEAD SCIENCE
(Blackbird) Sounding like the military marching band leading the troops through the fabled ruins of The Battle of Elephant Six, local kids The Decemberists are lobbying for the indiepop spotlight to rightfully return home to Puddletown. Endless pop hooks, a foundation of slide guitar and Colin Meloy's songwriting that just gleams with the kind of childlike narration that makes my cold, black heart skip a beat. While the haters will declare that The Decemberists are pillaging the grave of Jeff Mangum, it's all lies. While the band flirts with the fuzzed-out jangle of Neutral Milk Hotel, their music is more than all that--it's stunningly original and performed with a masterful passion. CM

'80S KARAOKE MAKE-OUT PARTY
(Billy Ray's, 2216 NE MLK) Billy Ray's will give away prizes for the most makin'-out and '80s-reverent of the karaoking masses, and while they're comparing it to junior high but with beer (as if you made it through jr. high w/out beer), it sounds more to me like a big, singing, debaucherous orgy. Maybe you can use tonight to relive "seven minutes in heaven"--both the game and the '80s movie starring Jennifer Connelly. JS

BLACK CAT ORCHESTRA, THE SENSUALISTS, TOPIARY KINGS
(Hollywood, 4122 NE Sandy) This is the last opportunity to catch the DeComposer series, so step up & recognize! The project pairs bands with obscure and found footage. The music is composed specifically to accompany each film, and performed live as the films play on the big screen. It's a fabulous idea, and an opportunity to see some of your favorite acts in a little bit different context. Tonight's show features the Black Cat Orchestra, the Sensualists, and Topiary Kings, so it should be an eclectic night of rocking and sophistication. It'll be particularly interesting to see what the Sensualists come up with, as Philip Cooper is a filmmaker himself. (Pssst! The Topiary Kings are members of 3 Leg Torso, who play awesome, diverse combinations of chamber music and ethnic, Eastern European-ish folk styles.) MS

NERVEWHEEL, PIXEL + DOT, NEQUAQUAM VACUUM
(Jasmine Tree, 401 SW Harrison) Come to this one and tap your feet, and then bob your head, and then sort of shimmy all weird. Hell, spaz out if you want. Flop around on the ground like a dying fish. Tap your feet again. Perform all the aforementioned actions during Nervewheel's set. Led by guitarist Bill Horist of Axolotl and Ghidra fame, they're not going to allow you to do anything else. They're going to fuse math rock and jazz and punk, and they're going to constantly change up rhythm and tempo... during the course of each individual song. It won't be easy, but at least it'll be weird. JUSTIN WESCOAT SANDERS

SATURDAY 5/24

ONRY OZZBORN, BOOM BAP PROJECT,

SIREN'S ECHO, DJ TREMOR
(Ash Street) In most of the CDs by the giant, awesome PNW hiphop crew Oldominion, there's a dedication to Reuben "Rochester" A.P. He was one of the founders of Oldominion, but sadly, passed away in 1999. Today would have been his 25th birthday. As a benefit for his family, members of Oldominion crew and their associates, Boom Bap, will perform in celebration of Rochester's life. It seems really appropriate, considering Oldominion on the whole explores the annals of life and death, conjoining the metaphysical, the spiritual. Don't miss these excellent performers and their interesting production aesthetic, which, generally speaking, conjoins a dark, contemplative aspect of beats and scratchy samples with stark melodics. JS

NURSE WITH WOUND, FLUX
(Cobalt, 32 NW 3rd) She and Me Fall Together in Free Death, the album released tonight by Nurse With Wound's dark mastermind Steven Stapleton, is surprisingly only his first record with the word "death" in the title. Released on Beta-Lactam Ring Records, Stapleton's just signing and selling, though supposedly if he gets really hammered he might be inclined to plug in some shit and let it rip. Should "ripping" occur, it would include a mysterious, stark cacophony of dirges, dangerously ambient clatter, thick beats pulsing with the devilish voice of the underbelly, a miasma of industrial sounds that are rhythmic and gutting simultaneously, like time-space warping flare guns, kinda. JS

THE WATCHERS, DANCE DISASTER MOVEMENT, STERLING
(Blackbird) With their hip-twisting basslines, hot-foot guitars and go-go rhythms, the Watchers make passive observation difficult. But while it's difficult to be a watcher at a Watchers show, it's dangerously easy to become a dance disaster while involuntarily spasming to Dance Disaster Movement. Both groups put the "disco" in "discord," stirring chopped-up riffs into a frothing funk stew. It's a comfort-food concoction that lowers the guard of even the most stationary indie snobs, turning floor-mounted pillars into burgeoning boogie monsters. Dance Club! ANDREW MILLER

ZIGGY MARLEY, QUETZAL
(Roseland) If Bob Marley is reggae for white people, what does that make his boy Ziggy? Diet-rasta-lite for albinos? Ziggy's vanilla-frosted, way-produced steez is friendly enough, but it's hella bland and skirts so close to pop, you might think you're listening to The Best of Culture Club as sung by a Black dude. Look, I'm sure Zig's vast Marley family is pretty proud of him, but I bet if they laid off the doobs for a couple days, they'd see how far from real reggae he's strayed and give him a good talking to. ADAM GNADE

BRITISH STEEL, TV:616, A BOMBIN' NATION
(Conan's) How ya doin', Judas Priest fans? You ready to rock? You ready to see your leather-clad metal heroes return to life in the form of British Steel, Portland's resident JP cover band? You ready to ROCK!!? UH HUH!?? What? The members of Judas Priest are still alive? Oh. Well, forget it then. JWS

SPOOKY DANCE BAND, GINGANG, THE VISITOR
(Mississippi, 3552 N Mississippi) Spooky Dance Band spins a stellar, cathartic, choppy, cobwebby, viola-drums-organ getdown, with a melodic love of joy and Eastern European sock hop style jamz. You know, dance with a sense of melancholy, like it might be yr last time, cause it might be. JS

SASQUATCH FESTIVAL
(Gorge Amphitheater) As soon as I told my buddy Erich that I was going to Sasquatch and that I was stoked, he exclaimed, "DUDE! That's at the GORGE! That's totally where I lost my VIRGINITY!" With that knowledge (and the knowledge that it's gonna be constipationsville when a big chunk of the nearly 20,000 attending try and drive outta there on the one road leading to civilization), I'm bringing two things: a Jansport packed with survival gear--flare gun, trail mix, toilet paper, white surrender flag--and some rubbers. The gossip is that Gwenyth P. and Casey Foubert from Pedro are gonna re-enact the prize-winning karaoke scene in Duets under this killer pyrotechnics display operated by Wayne Coyne, who's gonna light a giraffe-suited Issac Brock on fire, then hose him down with Cola. On stage left, Liz Phair and Neko Case are gonna throw a mud-boxing match to the Thermals. In the immortal words of Tenacious D, "Saaaasquatch! You know your legend's reeeealllll!" I shall arrive a girl, but leave a WOMAN. JOAN HILLER

SUNDAY 5/25

THE GARDEN GNOMES, WAR ON DRUGS,

STAN MCMAHON BAND
(Blackbird) The 50-year-old Stan McMahon's greatest claim to fame at this point is as the frontman for Portland's oldest Guided By Voices cover band, Giant Bug Village. Gramps also leads his own band, the Stan McMahon Band, a power-poppy little group with a lot of guitar solos. JWS

JOURNEY, STYX, REO SPEEDWAGON
(The Gorge) Irony's one thing, but when your ironic "sensibilities" guide you to dish out $42.50--$85 to see bad music, that's another pool party all together. Check it, I know a couple kids that are planning to go to this show because they think it's, quote, "sooooo cheesy and funny." Dudes! You're paying BIG EFFING MONEY to see bands that you don't actually like! Journey, Styx and REO Speedwagon aren't good music! Remember Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," "Lights" and "Open Arms"? Yeah, that's right, they SUCKED. Corporate '70s rock is not your friend, no matter what your half-sarcastic, half-nostalgic shoulder-devil tells you. ADAM GNADE

NYARTLATHOTEP RISING, STOVOKOR,

ALLFATHER, DRAWN & QUARTERED
(DV8) Since our taxes are currently paying for a Klingon translator (apparently, there are enough crazy people speaking Klingon that it requires Multinomah County mental health to hire one), it is your CIVIC DUTY to go see Stovokor, Portland's premier Klingon metal band. I say "premier" because, given the amount of people communicating in Klingon out there, it is probable that Stovokor is not actually Portland's "only" Klingon metal band, and that there is an entire underground of Klingon denizens living and working out of Portland. It is highly possible that Portland is just a façade city, and that your neighbors and perhaps even your lovers are Klingons, and you don't even know it. How can you be sure that your spouse isn't going to have a Klingon freakout on you? Seriously. Be warned. JS

ASH, SPACE TWINS, SOLEA
(Dante's) Even considering their newer material, my favorite Ash album is and probably always will be their 1996 release, 1977. I still can't help smiling every time I hear Tim Wheeler sing, "Do you remember the time I knew a girl from Mars? I don't know if you knew that. I still love you, girl from Mars." Their newer stuff, which they've picked up a notch by adding another guitarist, Charlotte Hatherley, is still great, though, so even if they don't dip back into the good ol' days during tonight's show, it's sure to be worth the price of admission. And I've yet to hear the Space Twins (even though they've been around since 1994--shame on me), but you won't want to miss them if you're interested in hearing what Brian Bell (Weezer guitarist) is doing in his off time; he sings and plays guitar in the band. MEGAN SELING

MONDAY 5/26

MY MORNING JACKET, DETACHMENT KIT, DOLOREAN
(Dante's) Louisvillians My Morning Jacket have garnered many richly deserved accolades in the last year or so. Flailing hair, bare feet, and high-soaring vocals straight from God's reverb tank--MMJ live blasts through the hype like a battering ram to prove that a bunch of Southern boys who flirt with everything that is uncool in the world of indie rock can utterly blow your mind. SEAN NELSON

DUB NARCOTIC SOUND SYSTEM DANCE PARTY
(Jackpot Records, 8 pm) Stake out your spot somewhere between the "soul" and "rock" sections at Jackpot, cause Dub Narcotic is toting their Olympia-fried indie funk workout to the Jackpot dance party headquarters. Conveniently, they'll also be promoting their new record, HAND CLAPPIN', so you can continue the disco at home after Jackpot kicks everybody out. JS

TUESDAY 5/27

HONDA CIVIC TOUR: GOOD CHARLOTTE,

NEW FOUND GLORY, MXPX, THE MOVIELIFE
(Memorial Coliseum) Some people argue that punk started in the UK in the early to mid '70s, or that it was perfected in New York a couple years later, but I don't know about that kind of stuff. But what I do know is that when it comes to all the major car manufacturers and models, the Honda Civic is by far the most punk. They are Sex Pistols of mid-sized compact cars with power steering and responsible gas mileage. Honda rules! CM

CADAVERZ ON KITESTRINGS, BIG STEVIE COOL, KRAZY K
(Meow Meow) According to their mythology, Cadaverz on Kitestrings' "parents were brutally murdered by vampire werewolf gypsies on Christmas Eve many years ago. With only a stuffed pumpkinhead ninja doll and their pajamas, they drug their parents' bodies to the graveyard. Krusty and Slynkie now became the last living heirs to the Belmont family of vampire hunters." Naturally, a bunch of people wanted to kill them because of that, but luckily, the pumpkinhead ninja doll "came to life and DoubleJ was born." Thusly, their mission is to "rid the world of all vampire werewolf gypsies by slaughtering stuffed animals in the same brutal way that their parents were murdered." First 100 people through the door receive "free ninja shit"! JS

WEDNESDAY 5/28

OBLIO JOES, STARANTULA, FIST CITY

(Blackbird) Oblio Joes come from Montana where you can still see the stars, which might explain the woozy sense of idealism in their guitar-and-boy-harmonies pop music, and hooks with more sticky appeal than a nightcrawler wearing a beret. They're not the typical hooks, though, like the kinds used in commercials that induce a Pavlovian desire to DRINK POWERADE NOW, GODDAMMIT. They're quirky, sweetie-pie hooks, not twee but certainly joyous, with that raucous sense of humor Missoula bands seem to teem with. JS

THE CHAOS CLOCK, AINU

(The Know, 2026 NE Alberta, 8 pm) Plenty of bands promote a certain chaos, but how many bands do you know that use actual chaos theory to promote chaos? The Chaos Clock, a musical apparatus, uses mathematical systems to create tone and rhythm in the actual order of chaos. Ainu keeps it a little more on the level, turning electro into freaky improv with a house sensibility. Two unique interpretations of the convergence of rhythm and time; dig it. JS