KRAV MAGA, GRIS GRIS, THE THING IS
(Berbati's Pan, 10 SW 3rd) Listen to the Gris Gris'â eponymous debut on Birdman and you're shot into scenes from cult classic hippie movies like The Trip or Performance where serenity comes in hallucinogenic doses and sound effects float like dandelion seeds across the planes of a song. On The Gris Gris, maracas and tambourines get the shakes. Hammond organs set the sonic time machine into retrograde motion. Faint whistles and bells hover between instruments, and vocals move from a soothing, Lou Reed lullaby to manic, distorted crow calls. Topnotch songs like "Necessary Separation" morph into Nuggets-style rave-ups, steady beats pushing the vibe into heady exaltation. JENNIFER MAERZ

CONCRETE BLONDE, SERVER X
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) So I was thumbing through the liner notes of my Concrete Blonde CDs tonight and noticed something I hadn't seen before--they are ridiculous looking people. The cover of their self-titled '87 rec shows the singer lookin' pretty hip and sexy, but her boys are--what?--posing for romance novel covers? First dude has no shirt and a floor-length leather coat. Second guy has some sorta skintight tie-dye long sleever and Kenny G hair. 1989's Free is even worse. One guy is shirtless and looks like a lifeguard. Another is all white-dude-goes-fake-mystic-Navajo style. Rock 'n' roll, Tatonka! ADAM GNADE

CYCLOB, SOLENOID, ATOLE, CAPTAIN AHAB
(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Is it fun to go see someone performing live with a laptop? Not by making jokes about watching a guy in glasses check his email, but actually being entertained by the guy? This show guarantees at least two different approaches to making live electronics exciting. Cyclob's breakbeaty electro funk benefits from his happy-go-lucky attitude: half goofy grin/thumbs up! charm and half cheeky, I-know-more-than-I'm-letting-on risk taking. On the other end, Captain Ahab will take off his shirt and blast the audience with an adventurous Moroder-meets-Metroid sound and might possibly redefine sex appeal or may just be doing a hilarious parody. Either way, between the two performers you will be delighted enough to forget the snide comments you're used to making. ETHAN SWAN

CHEVRON, IN MUSEUMS, BLACK DARTS
(Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside) A release party for Chevron's new album Taxes. The band is good at taking you through soaring sonic soundscapes, beginning with gentle guitar plucks, and building to a crashing frenzy of distorted rage. Then, just when you can't take it anymore, they'll ease off, and lull you back to sleep. On their website, Chevron describes openers In Museums as "crazy dub-punk yelling dudes (who also used to be in Intima)." 'Nuf said. JUSTIN WESCOAT SANDERS

EMPTY HANDED, AVERY BELL, BORN LOSERS
(Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th) Sound scholar Jacob Houk, who attended the School of Music at the University of Oregon, squeezes intriguingly incongruous sounds from his band Avery Bell's unorthodox guitars-violin-and-drums lineup. Avery Bell ranges from punkish outbursts to baroque orchestral sprawl, maintaining valedictorian-esque virtuosity and pep rally energy levels in all formats. But while Jacob earns top marks, his brother, lyricist Lucas, scores only a C for peeved political poetry presentation. As the college-rule notebook sheets scanned on the group's website reveal, Lucas can capably cross out "prophets" and replace it with "profits," but for true picket-sign power he needs to replace that final "s" with a $. ANDREW MILLER

FRIDAY 8/27

GLAMscam: PURPLE RAIN TRIBUTE
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) See Destination Fun Pg. 19

THE TRIGGERS, THE SPITS, THE HUNCHES, ELECTRIC EYE, CLOROX GIRLS
(Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd) Portland history is riddled with them: bands with talent, solid fan base, and energetic music that disappear before it seems they could even make their mark. And for every halfway decent band that goes the way of the dodo, there're two shitty ass genre machines out there just waiting to take their place. But life's not fair, kid. Them's the rubs. To witness The Triggers' last show will be something of a sendoff and a tribute. The fact that they'll be surrounded by their friends--The Spits, The Hunches, Electric Eye, and The Clorox Girls--gives the impression that it will be a funeral. But don't be discouraged, my wet-eyed little pups, because it won't look anything like a funeral. Except an Irish funeral. It will probably look exactly like an Irish funeral. MANU BERELLI

JOSH GROBAN, WILLIAM JOSEPH
(Clark County Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel Rd, Ridgefield, WA) I get Josh Groban confused with the "Singing Marine" guy from American Idol. What's his name? OK, not important. Groban is a guy I figure my mom would dig. I'd expect her to ask my dad to buy tickets--though I hope he'd talk her down. But whatever, even if she doesn't make this one, there are going to be thousands of moms who will be there. Not as many as at the Singing Marine's concerts, but how do you compete with something like that? 2004 is fucked. AG

BATTERY LEGION, MISFATS, EVENING AT THE BLACK HOUSE
(Conan's, 3862 SE Hawthorne) No matter where you live, you can't drive with a devil's lock over your eye for too long without striking someone who once covered the Misfits. From Bratmobile to Sloppy Seconds, from Goldfinger to Metallica to Cradle of Filth, punk and metal groups crave Misfits tunes like astrozombies hunger for brains. And that doesn't even start to cover the hundreds of local bands who think it would be oh-so-spooky to play an all-Misfits set on Halloween. But see, the Misfats are different. Unlike NOFX's average-proportioned Fat Mike, these guys not only look the portly part, but also tweak Misfits lyrics to celebrate the lard-ass lifestyle. "20 Pies" and "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Grill Tonight?" rank among the finest food-based parodies since Weird Al's gloriously gluttonous "Eat It" and "Fat." AM

CASCADIA: LOSCIL, zachary reno, DJ BEYONDA, P DISCO, HERMANITO
(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See Music, Pg. 24

TOTIMOSHI, JOHN RAMBO, SEPPUKKU, BURNING IN WATER
(Sabala's Mt Tabor, 4811 SE Hawthorne) As the weather gets crappier, you'll find yourself exercising less, drinking more, and retreating to the safety of television and rock clubs. And why not? If we wanted sun all the time we'd move to San Diego. Check Totimoshi's rumbling sludge metal paired with a righteous live show, and celebrate the coming apocalypseÉ or rain, whichever comes first. KATIE SHIMER

'STACHE BONANZA W/DEREK, DJ T-1-11, THE PERFECT CYN
(Shanghai Lounge, 16 NW Broadway) The competitive moustache season always reminds me of the annual salmon spawns of northern California. This season my coworker Katie Shimer is one of the judges, and I think it would be really funny if she got tickled a whole bunch with nasty-boy moustaches. Just a suggestion. MARJORIE SKINNER

SATURDAY 8/28

FESTIVAL DE PIRATES: CAPTAIN BOGG & SALTY, FLAT MOUNTAIN GIRLS, PIRATE JENNY DUO, SUNKEN CHEST, BEN GUNN SOCIETY
(Bossanova, 722 E. Burnside) What is the freaking deal with Portland and pirate bands? There are like a million of them here. This is your opportunity to at once satiate your curiosity and get your "ARRRGH MATEY!!" on. The festival is put on by the Brotherhood of Oceanic Mercenaries (BOOM) whose activities are a more debaucherous, nautical version of the Society for Creative Anachronism. The Festival de Pirates promises to be a chantey-filled rollicking adventure on the high seas of Burnside with plenty of rum and sodomy for all! I'm certain costumes are at least encouraged if not required. LANCE CHESS

THE VELVET TEEN, CROSSTIDE, THE PALE, RESCUE
(Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside) On The Velvet Teen's latest, Elysium, beautiful string compositions drift alongside gentle waves of piano melody. And singer Judah Nagler's voice is as passionate as ever, shattering past comparisons to Thom Yorke and Jeremy Enigk and placing him in an emotion-baring league all his own. It's a quiet record that swells more in mood than in volume, and its intricacies are within the dynamics of organic instruments like woodwinds intermixing with synthesizers. "Heartbreakingly beautiful" may be cliché, but it's rarely more fitting a description than for this album. MEGAN SELING

WAYNE "THE TRAIN" HANCOCK, MOSES AND THE MOONGAZERS, LISA AND HER KIN, REEL DJ MURPHY
(Conan's, 3862 SE Hawthorne) With superstars, record companies release concert albums because they know there's a market. A stage-scorching reputation isn't always required. But when smaller-scale artists rate live discs, it's usually on the strength of their sweat-soaked shows. Known for three-hour concerts that mix his own boisterous honky-tonk numbers with a wide range of western classics, Wayne "The Train" Hancock earned 2003's Swing Time the hard way. Clad in authentic attire, Hancock looks and sounds like an appropriate heir to the Texas Playboys legacy, but he's not afraid to tinker with tradition by incorporating jazzy touches and a soulful horn section into his marathon sets. AM

HIPHOP VOTERS WANTED
(Crystal, 1332 W Burnside) In the face of another four years of leadership tragedy, a renewed political interest has spread through the entertainment industry like wildfire. Tonight the hiphop world gets into the act with a voter registration party featuring socially relevant rappers DJ OG 1, Star Child, DJ Shines and Vursatyl, Siren's Echo, and Sleep. Also in the house will be Secretary of State Bill Bradbury (we're fairly sure he won't be freestyling) and various Portland Trailblazers. If you haven't registered to vote yet, here's your chance to redeem yourself, and have fun doing it. JWS

MAN OF THE YEAR, MA FORD, YOUNG & SEXY, DJ MAKEOUT
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) Man of the Year has a hard-edged pop sound that's both catchy (like as in would be good on the radio) and appealing. The vocalist does a lot of clear singing, and overall they sort of remind me of Grandaddy or Radiohead (The Bends era), but not in an annoying rip-off way. KS

QUEER PUNK SHOW: DAVIES V. DRESCH, JACKQUEEN, HER TOXIC MAP
(I.C. Mummy, 332 NE San Rafael) See My! What a Busy Week! Pg. 21

MINMAE
(Ozone UK, 2 NW 10th) As I've gotten older, I've watched myself get all fatherly prided out on bands. The way my dad probably felt when I finally stopped eating gravel and rode my Huffy down our alley is where I'm at when one of my favorite bands suddenly blossoms and makes beautiful music. Such is the case with Minmae, whose evolution makes me wanna double thump my chest with one fist in the "much love" props salute. Minmae's latest Devil in the Woods release is called Ya Te Vas?, which I think means "totally came into their own" in Spanish. AG

BURNING IN WATER, THE DRAFT, SPARK THAT SCREAMS
(Tonic, 3100 NE Sandy) Man I miss buttrock. Luckily its comeback is becoming gradually less limited to kitsch. Enter bands like Burning in Water, who embrace that whitest of all white music moves, the male vibrato. The music has a splash of urban cowboy ruggedness (kind of like Bon Jovi) and lots of earnest, torch rock moments. They're a little more politically minded than the buttrock of yore, but it's hard to tell other than the fact that they don't seem to be singing about girls or their dicks or any combination of the two. MS

SUNDAY 8/29

YAMI BOLO, XSAMPLE, KATT WITH ROOTS REVOLUTION, CANSAMAN, YT & STEVE TREEZ
(Conan's, 3862 SE Hawthorne) Less rough and rugged than most of his peers, Yami Bolo excels at lovers' rock. But don't get it twisted, natty-dread-style. That's the English-derived term for soul-inspired reggae, not a euphemism for sexually explicit lyrics. (For such a euphemism, see "slack" in the reggae glossary.) Bolo usually maintains a rock-steady vibe, keeping his work rooted in tradition, but he also embraces challenging collaborations. In 1994, he earned the often claimed, seldom achieved "big in Japan" designation by teaming with Kazafumi "Miya" Miyazawa on a full-length project. Bolo also earns accolades for his rhythmic renditions of pop tunes such as Madonna's "La Isla Bonita," which he converted into a stirring Valentine to his homeland Jamaica. AM

STINK MITT, THE PUNK GROUP
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) The Canadian trio Stink Mitt will probably never experience a case of blue balls; their pro-masturbation, pro-sex, pro-everything-leading-to-that-big-moaning-finish-line rhetoric means the group's '80s-tuned electro funk involves a lot of preaching about licking and banging from emcees Jenni Craige and Betti Forde. If you blush at the mere mention of tongue-tangling, you might want to avoid this show, but if lines like "You're better off just fucking me harder" with a Cameo-cloned beat get you off on the dance floor, Dante's could be your kind of grind tonight. JM

MONDAY 8/30

WARRANT, a bombin' nation
(Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd) When you're a dumb, bored 12-year-old boy child, the one thing you want in your rock videos--besides fighting cyborgs, guns, the devil, and/or exploding anything--is an ass-load of T&A. Warrant delivered that with their super racy Top-10 hit "Cherry Pie" back in '90. But the sad thing--I guess it's not really that sad--is that's all they delivered. What a drag it is getting old. AG

TUESDAY 8/31

SLAM BUSH POETRY/LYRIC CONTEST
(Ash Street, 225 SW Ash) Few things in life taste as sweet as shit talking. And with Bush in the office, we've got more justification than ever to spew vitriol. Get it out of your system tonight by competing to see who can give Bush the best verbal smack down, or just get riled up watching other folks dole out their tongue lashings. Plus, the winner gets $500 for the local contest, and $1,000 if they take the nationals. Poetry seems a little too mild mannered for the hysterical spite that the dude warrants, but in the 21st Century I think battle raps count as poetry, right? Battle rap! Battle rap! MS

MINUS THE BEAR
(Music Millennium, 801 NW 23rd) A round of spirited high-fives shall be declared for the boys of Minus the Bear. Not only have they become the saviors of the tired beast that is guitar rock, they have done it with enough mathematical precision to wow the tech nerds, enough smarts to woo the indie cred kids and plenty of drunken fun to make fans of any cross-armed cynics. Their new (and somehow appropriately titled) EP They Make Beer Commercials Like This, perfectly illustrates how they are smarter than their peers and can write a pop hook like it's nobody's business. See them for free and save your pennies, you stingy sonofabitch. EZRA ACE CARAEFF

GIFT OF GAB, ALTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS, DJ WICKED
(Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd) See Music, Pg. 24

THANKSGIVING, JASON ANDERSON, THE RABBITS
(Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd) See Music, Pg. 23

STOVOKOR, GRAVES AT SEA, ALDEBARAN, KLINGON KARAOKE
(Sabala's, 4811 SE Hawthorne) Klingon band, Klingon KaraokeÉ sounds like this is the one day per year where Star Trek nerds get drunk and make Klingon babies. KS

WEDNESDAY 9/1

SYSTEM & STATION, THE FORTH, JUNIOR PRIVATE DETECTIVE, CURSE OF THE CAROUSEL PONY
(Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd) Here are a bunch of local bands that like to party together and rock out. Tonight they all play together for the first time onstage. If the Forth's album Past is Prologue is any indication of what to expect it will be exuberant, explosive, largely tuneless music that will overwhelm conversation and rational thought. Rarely can this stuff be described as pleasant to listen to, but that doesn't really seem to be the point. The point is to drink and engage in sonic belligerence. JWS

UNHAPPY HOUR W/MIKE D
(Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) When he's not singing his guts out in the raucous, whiskey soaked blues rock outfit I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch in the House, Mike D gets all solo and sad. Drown your pain in some unhappy hour action every week with this soulful, passionate, and really dissatisfied musician before he takes off on tour. It's like therapy, but with alcohol. Oh wait, alcohol is therapy, too. MS

END OF SUMMER PARTY W/DJ TIGER STRIPES & DJ MAKEOUT
(Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) First off, it is not the end of summer. Second off, the end of summer is nothing to celebrate. Regardless, any excuse to throw a Holocene dance party is acceptable. Plus, DJs Tiger Stripes and Makeout are serious party people who will get you hot regardless of the weather. So shake that ass in the name of… September. Or whatever. Just shake your ass. MS

PRINCE
(Rose Garden, 1401 N Wheeler) See Music, Pg. 22