Personally, I'm against the idea of manufactured romance. But if you need a shove to remind yourself to be sweet to your sweetie, here's a selection of things to do on V-Day that'll score you points, in case you've been a little lackluster during the rest of the year:
• Fez Ballroom—Enjoy one of the most romantic club atmospheres in town, dancing (or smooching) to the sounds of Dahlia, Suckapunch, the Down Band, DJ Ravi, Auditory Sculpture, and Izm, spoken word by Seattle, and DJ Room-Keys. Plus, complimentary gift bags to the first 75 people through the door. Fez, 316 SW 11th, Tues, 9 pm, $7
• Pix Patisserie—The couple that makes asses of themselves together stays together, so express your love at Pix's night of '80s love-song karaoke, at their new location in North Portland. Plus, both locations are currently hosting a "confession wall," where you can confess your love or your sins. Karaoke: Pix, 3901 N Williams, Sun Feb 12, 9-11 pm, free; Wall Only: Pix, 3402 SE Division
• Bar Pastiche—Fitting with Bar Pastiche's napkin-throwing tribute to Spain, Hawthorne's best spot for exquisite, delicious snacks is hosting flamenco guitarist Antonio Segovia, as well as a special after-dinner treat of two truffle shots and two tawny ports for $15. Bar Pastiche, 3731 SE Hawthorne, Tues, 'til midnight
• The PlayHers Club—You can't fuck with the claim that this will be "Portland's Hottest Valentine's Day Party for LGBT People of Color," because it's probably the only one! Hosted by Nita and Maleka. Viper Room, 720 SE Hawthorne, Sat Feb 11, 9 pm, $6
• BRO's Love Lounge—Do something useful with your love tonight, by taking part in this benefit for Basic Rights Oregon, featuring aphrodisiac nibbles, chocolate buffet, complimentary cocktails, DJ Outbox, and a "dream date" auction. Plus, if you add a "Naughty or Nice" hotel room package, and use the code "BRO" when making your reservation, 10 percent of your purchase also goes to the cause. Jupiter Hotel, 800 E Burnside, Tues, 7-11 pm, $40-45, jupiterhotel.com
• Dante's Valentine's Day Cabaret—If you've got a punk rock kind of love, this might be your best bet, with hard and fast performances from the Cherry Tarts, Space Age Polymers, and Pretty Monster. See, love doesn't have to make you soft. Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, Tues, 9:30 pm, $7-8
• Acme's Anti-Valentine's Party—Sick of all this love shit? Recovering from a breakup and likely to bludgeon the next happy couple you see groping and cooing at each other over champagne and chocolates? Or maybe you just think it's a stupid tradition perpetuated by Hallmark and their ilk. Any which way, join likeminded people at this anti-valentine party featuring Enchanted 4ST and Super Plus, who, like you, have nothing to do with V-Day. Acme, 1305 SE 8th, Mon Feb 13, 9 pm, $3
• Heartless Heathers' Anti-Valentine's Bash—You really, really pissed about V-day? We suggest you spend it with the rowdy Rose City Rollers team, the Heartless Heathers! Music (Hott Pink, Sleepy People, more!), a date auction with the girls of the team (roller girl fantasy, anyone?), and the incomparable man about town/Starantula singer, Seantos, hosting will keep you happy. Loveless, but happy. Sabala's, 4811 SE Hawthorne, Sat Feb 11, 10 pm, $5 MARJORIE SKINNER
