ABSTRACT: Vodka didn't gain popularity in the United States until 1946, about fifteen years after American Rudolph Kunett bought the rights to Vladimir Smirnoff's formula. With the exception of flavored vodkas, it is actually a law in the U.S. that vodka be without any distinctive character, taste, smell, or color. This is achieved by charcoal-filtering ethanol (also used to make gasoline), which is derived from distilled potatoes or grain. Despite its late start, vodka is now the best-selling liquor in America, comprising 20% of U.S. liquor sales. Why? Because, vodka gives the drinker a feeling of invincibility. It figures that the Russians were the ones who invented it.

HYPOTHESIS: The test subject, Marjorie--who, for reasons of anonymity, will henceforth be referred to as "M"--has a little bit of invincibility on a normal day, so it is safe to conjecture that the ingestion of a few stiffy vodka drinks will only intensify this quality.

MEANS AND METHODS: Starting out at a popular local watering hole, the Sandy Hut, the subject appears reserved. Sitting quietly, "M" sips her first vodka tonic and asks where the interviewer's worksheets are. When the interviewer says she forgot them, "M" then questions the interviewer's ability to interview.

By drink two, "M" has begun to discuss her co-habitational problems with her boyfriend and their "open" relationship. She drives to the next bar without hesitation.

By drinks three and four, the speed of "M's" drinking has increased exponentially, as has her swearing. Her friend "Teen Wolf" arrives [See: Rum Subject, Gin Subject] and she yells an endearing, "What's up, you fucking dick?" She polishes off a tumbler-sized vodka tonic, notes the larger size of her friend Laurel's drink [See: Gin Subject], stands up, slaps the table, and yells, "I'm going to the bar to get myself a Mercury-sized drink."

Somewhere between drinks four and five, Laurel and "M" have decided to become roommates. "M" slurs the word "facilitates," then attempts to squeeze a lime into her drink and sends it shooting across the table. She gets up to go to the bathroom, yelling to Laurel, "Woman, are you coming or not?!"

Drink six: The interviewer recounts a story she heard about a college boy who had been walked in on by his parents while having an oral sex fest with his best guy friend and a random girl. "M" calls this story "cute," and says authoritatively, "the stories I have to tell wouldn't make light bar conversation."

On her way out of the bar, "M" is stumbly and googly eyed. The bartender laughs and says, 'M' wins the contest for being best at hiding her drunkenness."

CONCLUSION:"M" definitely took on an air of brassiness and invincibility under the influence of the vodka. This perceived invincibility, however, was obviously false, as "M" puked on the sidewalk the moment she stepped out of the bar.