Horsey Tote/Gymnast Duffel Bags
Like all hip and smart young women, your girlfriend is a huge fan of two things: 1. horses and 2. purses. Then again, she could be of the other camp of kool ladies that likes 1. gymnastics and 2. duffel bags. This is why you should buy her both the horsey tote and the gymnastics duffel bag, designed by Brooklyn's fabulous Sperber sisters (Amy, Teeter, and Heather!), who also play in a rad band called The Boxes. If you get her something this sassy, made by such classy chix, she will be led to believe you have excellent taste. (It's a fucking HORSEY, dude. For reals.)
Horsey Tote, $24; Gymnast Duffel Bag, $38; available online at www.31cornlane.com
The Willy Whacker
Ah, the holiday season. With roasting poultry and good cheer in the air, humping the life out of your sweetie can seem like a great idea. But remember, with all the buying, baking, and travel planning, the ladies occasionally get stressed. And you know what being stressed can lead to: the familiar shriek of "Get that nasty little worm off my thigh, you friggin' rakehell!" So, stuff the stockings of your most frigid and irritable girlfriends with the glow-in-the-dark Willy Whacker that whacks that willy away in seconds... and saves your hearing. The Willy Whacker, $4.99 at bacheloretteparties.com
Work With Care 2003 Calendar
Nikki McClure is an artist whose intricate papercuts depict women doing good work in the world. Her 2003 calendar is gorgeous, and smattered with strong, hopeful monthly fortunes like "Encourage," "Share," and "Collaborate." You clearly have some respect for your lady if you buy her something so practical, yet so heartfelt.
Nikki McClure 2003 Calendar, $15, available at Reading Frenzy or
Maintaining a high level of "fun" is the most important aspect of any relationship, no matter how deep, and if you don't get your special lady a trampoline right now, she is going to dump you right on your sorry, fun-hating ass.
Texas Star Gymnast-Worthy Trampoline, $849,