Savage Love Jun 17, 2010 at 4:00 am

Comments

1
That's you're biggest issue Young?I'm 44 and my girlfriend is 25. I was entirely honest about age when I met her.....no issue at all. It's who you are as an individual that matters. As for you Dan, while your column is generally helpful to people, shy away from giving hormonal advice, albeit second hand. Your expert failed to mention the role of estrogen in the matter and it is a significant role. The hormonal cascade is not that simple and testosterone supplements (ie steroids) are generally a bad idea for women. Not to mention that the current pill is progestin based, don't even get me started on that. Fact is most hormone based birth control is detrimental to the health of women and dispensed far to liberally without regard to consequence
2
I had the opposite problem for both of these letter writers! I was dating a 35 year old man, (I'm 26) and I have a very active sex drive. I love having frequent sex, but he was the one who wasn't always up for it (either asleep or not in the mood). This was a man who rode his bike 3 hours a day and loved to be active in life so I was left scratching my head as to what the deal was. I suspected intimacy issues and commitment issues and dumped him when he started sabotaging the relationship outside of bed too. (Too bad, I was so hoping he'd be the mature one!)

As for the birth control: get an IUD. They're awesome and you'll get your sex drive back. If you want to save your relationship, figure out how to fix this. It'll ruin your relationship otherwise. It's frustrating and humiliating for the partner who isn't getting sex to want it all the time and have you be completely uninterested.

From a young woman's perspective, age does not matter to me. I keep finding, however, that when an older guy is interested in me, it's because he isn't ready to grow up and is still trying to prolong that feeling of being a stud from his 20's. Turns out he's shocked when he gets to know me and realizes that just because I'm young, I'm no push over and I expect him to be responsible and mature too. Sadly, that's not always the case. Your letter writer seems like no matter what happens, he's going to complain because he wants young tail without commitment.

My advice is hold back the age question, get to know someone, and if you click then go for it. Later you can reveal these details. The right person isn't going to give a crap, they're probably just going to be elated to find an awesome person to date. (Oh so rare.)
3
I think that a homosexual boy winning Prom Queen is wrong. The title of Prom Queen is not progressing Gay rights whatsoever, in fact, 'Queen' is a derogatory term for Homosexual men. One could also say that is is going against women's rights, two young men won the only two titles possible. Gay or not, this is still a man taking a woman's title.

Does this mean now that a straight male student can be Queen, a straight female student can be King? If not, then it is going against the straight student's rights.

Aside all of that, it is beautiful that Hudson High School is proudly embracing their fellow students
4
Dan gives up being a columnist for his first two letters. Man I wish I had a job where I could write off 2/3 of it.

plumjooce, wouldn't the better idea to have the male get a vasectomy? It's a far less invasive procedure (hormonally) than an IUD, and is typically reversible. Even if the reverse procedure isn't a success artificial insemination is another option.

"From a young woman's perspective, age does not matter to me. I keep finding, however, that when an older guy is interested in me, it's because he isn't ready to grow up and is still trying to prolong that feeling of being a stud from his 20's. "

Ya think? And what does growing up have to do with anything? Men of all ages want tail, as young as possible, if possible. Perhaps your hookups and expectations need adjustment before you jump in the sack with every one of them?

"Turns out he's shocked when he gets to know me and realizes that just because I'm young, I'm no push over and I expect him to be responsible and mature too. "

I READ IN ZOMBIE VOICE: I WANT BABIES AND COMITMENT, MY BIOLOGICAL GENES TELL ME TO NAB MAN FOR LONG-TERM BRAIN STEAL.

"Sadly, that's not always the case. Your letter writer seems like no matter what happens, he's going to complain because he wants young tail without commitment."

Because it's so easy to get? Don't hate us because we want something other than what you want. We don't want commitment because you tend to take everything when you end up leaving anyway after getting a ring on your finger.

"My advice is hold back the age question, get to know someone, and if you click then go for it. Later you can reveal these details. The right person isn't going to give a crap, they're probably just going to be elated to find an awesome person to date. (Oh so rare.)"

Apparently for you, yes.

5
Looking younger than you are is a good problem to have! But as a guy you have an easy solution... grow a beard. I was also born in 72 and look younger than I am. My wife prefers I have facial hair of some sort because it makes me look older. This is an easy concession; why can't you grow a beard if you want to date the ladies your age??
6
@YOUNG: I always say "yes, i'm older, but I'm very emotionally immature." Har Har Har. But seriously, since when are women turned off by older men? The writer probably just shoots himself in the foot by focusing on the age gap in conversation and being an overall curmudgeon. Try changing the subject.
7
IUDs are great. I love mine. They aren't all hormonal. It is painful, but not invasive. It takes about 20 seconds to put it in. There are 5 year and 10 year IUDs. Some have hormones, some don't. I was under the impression that most doctors won't implant an IUD unless you have had a child or a few abortions. Basically, you need a somewhat used uterus for your body to accept an IUD. I had mine put in 6 weeks after my baby was born and now 9 years later I am still glad I did. I recommend them to anyone who has had a child and doesn't want to get pregnant again. I have only heard a rumor of one doctor who gave one to someone who had 2 abortions...I really don't know the entire truth about that.

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