Savage Love Jan 19, 2012 at 4:00 am

School's Out


To any parent with a kid who is coming out- Your kid doesn't need to end up being a married soldier. Being identified as gay has an exponentially longer tradition of being single pacifists.

Why has the gay community become so mainstream? Marriage and military service? The military should be disbanded for obvious reasons. Marriage should not even be an institution, it should disappear as its roots are in religious/social intolerance and treating women as property- as non-persons whose only identity is perpetually tied down to her husband's.

Rights should never be abridged. And, rights, such as those found in marriage, should never compromise, usurp, or be superior to that of a single person. The rights of married people more often than not, supersede the rights of being single.

Years ago, you could find a lot of gay solidarity in being a pacifist and a single person.

It's almost a dirty concept at HRC. Single? What a low life. Non-patriotic? What a loser.

As a single person who wants to stay that way and someone who was a conscientious objector when I had to register for the draft, I find a greater sense of community with people who think like me in non-gay circles.

The marriage and military projects at the HRC are the most heavily funded and politicized.

What has become of gay consciousness if we are destined to become married soldiers?
That sounds like a prison sentence.

Being gay, for me, is about liberty. Free to not be a warrior. And, to explore my rugged individualism in the absence of shackled co-dependency which, like it or not, is enshrined in the vows of marriage.

If anything, I would want my child to be FREE first and gay only as a matter of happen stance. Sure, your gay son or daughter should have and needs gay friends and allies at school. But self expression should never be ghetto-ized.

Encourage children to be liberated and not pigeon holed. Being over-identified as anything at any age has its drawbacks if you value a dynamic and exploratory existence.

Congratulations on having an open-eyed child. This quality should be encouraged and preserved above all else.

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