Savage Love Aug 20, 2014 at 3:30 pm

Object Transference


Why would NITC's wife's concern for being disowned by her mother HAVE to be an issue of money, Dan? That's a fucked up assumption. Maybe she loves her mother and enjoys having her in her life and is closeted for the reasons that most people are closeted from their parents: fear of rejection. Obviously she loves her mother enough to give her plenty of access to their home. She may be a snooping bitch, but most likely she's a concerned mother trying to look out for her daughter's heart. It's her daughter that has kept her in the dark (and insists on continuing to do so) and therefore it's NITC's wife that is creating the issue. Her mother is conservative and has no concept of a married couple sharing their bed with a third person...the natural assumption would be that the husband is cheating and her natural instinct would be to protect her daughter. Yet you immediately jump all over the woman and insist that she deserves to be chucked out of her daughter's life and the only possible reason why she hasn't been is money. You then suggest shock tactics to introduce the idea of her daughter being in a sexual three-way. Really fucked up assumptions and really bad advice, Dan. I have a lot of respect for you and your contributions to the world, but you need to be called on this.
we're talking NSA hookup ads on Craigslist. We're talking about a virtual meat market. And when you're in a meat market—literally or figuratively, physically or virtually—there's nothing wrong with asking a polite, direct question about the meat on offer."
Terrible advice. Women are people.The women and men on craigslist or any other site, big or other wise are people not meat. The 1st half of your advice was great.
If the guy wants to do any thing other than offend her and send her running he will send a photo of him self and politely ask her to do the same, or meet up as you suggested. If he wants to get an email back he should avoid talking about her size entirely. Even if he finds her to be unattractive "meat" he should not tell her so,or ever talk about her size in a negative way. Also advice to men- even if you love women you think of as "fat" don't use that word. Fat is a very offensive word and can not be saved once uttered. The only men who need to know my exact proportions are the ones actively purchasing sexy underwear for me. A man calling me to say"Hey, what is your exact bra and panty size, I'm at Victoria's Secret on the way home and I thought I would pick up some thing for you for tonight."-- this is the only time that question is appropriate or valid, or any thing but insulting.

If you want to help the guy find some action, you gave the worst advice. Meet or swap photos, don't talk about size. Even a confidant large woman can easily be hurt- or may be she will read the size questions and assume rejection or that she is too big and either way the guy gets no lady, no meat no action. She might be just the right amount of big, but he will never know if he asks. I weigh many pounds because I am a triathlete. I am short. If some one asks for my numbers they are not getting an accurate idea of my size 6 frame--, a return message, sex or any of my time.

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