Savage Love Live at Denverâs Oriental Theater last week was epic. I fielded sex questions in front of a sold-out crowd, singer-songwriter Rachel Lark performed amazing news songs, comedian Elise Kerns absolutely killed it, and Tyeâa token straight guy plucked at random from the audienceâjoined us onstage and gave some pretty great sex advice! We couldnât get to all the audience questions during the show, so Iâm going to race through as many unanswered questions as I can in this weekâs column...
Youâve famously said, âOral comes standard.â How long before anal comes standard?
How does a week from next Tuesday grab you?
I enjoyed a great sex life with many kinky adventures until my husband died suddenly two years ago. I have insurance $$$ and a house to sell and a dream of using the proceeds to become a sex-positive therapist. Crazy idea? Or something the world...
Savage Love Live at Denverâs Oriental Theater last week was epic. I fielded sex questions in front of a sold-out crowd, singer-songwriter Rachel Lark performed amazing news songs, comedian Elise Kerns absolutely killed it, and Tyeâa token straight guy plucked at random from the audienceâjoined us onstage and gave some pretty great sex advice! We couldnât get to all the audience questions during the show, so Iâm going to race through as many unanswered questions as I can in this weekâs column...
Youâve famously said, âOral comes standard.â How long before anal comes standard?
How does a week from next Tuesday grab you?
I enjoyed a great sex life with many kinky adventures until my husband died suddenly two years ago. I have insurance $$$ and a house to sell and a dream of using the proceeds to become a sex-positive therapist. Crazy idea? Or something the world needs more of?
Judging by how many people tell me theyâre having a hard time finding sex-positive, kink-positive, open-positive, and poly-positive therapists, I would definitely file âsex-positive therapistâ under âworld needs more of.â Chase that dream!
What resources are availableâwhich do you recommendâto share with my male partner so he can improve (learn) oral sex? (Girl oral sex!)
Two book recommendations: The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure by Violet Blue and She Comes First: The Thinking Manâs Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner.
My boyfriend told me that women orgasm only 60 percent of the time compared to men. I said I want orgasm equity. How do I navigate his pansy-assed male ego to find a solution?
The orgasm gapâ91 percent of men reported climaxing in their last opposite-sex sexual encounter compared to 64 percent of women (National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior)âdoesnât exist for lesbians and bi women in same-sex relationships. So the problem isnât women and their elusive orgasms, itâs men and their lazy-ass bullshit. A contributing factor is that women often have a hard time advocating for their own pleasure because theyâve been socialized to defer to men. Thereâs evidence of that in your question: You want to navigate this problemâthe problem being a selfish boyfriend who doesnât care enough about you to prioritize your pleasure and has taken cover behind the orgasm gapâbut you want to spare his ego in the process. Fuck his precious ego. Tell him what you want and show him what it takes to get you off. If he refuses to do his part to close the orgasm gap in your apartment, show him the door.
How do I come out to my family as a stripper? Iâve been dancing for more than two years and donât plan to stop. Some of my family members are biased against sex workers, but Iâm tired of keeping up the facade (I told them Iâm a bartender).
Itâs a catch-22: People are afraid to come out to their closed-minded families as queer or poly or sex workers or atheists, but closed-minded families typically donât open their minds until after their queer or poly or sex working or nonbelieving kids come out to them. To open their minds, youâll have to risk blowing them first. Tell them your truth and stand your ground.
I keep having sex dreams about Kanye West. What does that mean?
Youâre Mike Pence.
Am I doing society a disservice by dating an international drug dealer?
A sexually frustrated international drug dealer is arguably more dangerous than a sexually satisfied international drug dealerâso you may be doing society a service.
Can I want to be monogamous without any reasoning? My boyfriend would probs be in an open relationship, but Iâm not interested for no reason in particular.
Speaking with a low-information voter is frustrating because they canât tell you why they voted for someone; speaking with a low-information fuckerâsomeone who canât tell you why theyâre doing/screwing what theyâre doing/screwingâis just as frustrating. Itâs even more frustrating when the low-information/low-self-awareness fucker happens to be the person youâre fucking. Itâs fine to want what you wantâbecause of course it isâbut unless youâre interested only in solo sex, you need to be able to share your reasons.
I dated a guy who said he was in an open relationship. We started working together on a podcast. I got irritated because after two months he never did any preliminary research. When I pointed that out, he deleted all our work and blocked me on FB. Now heâs asking for some stuff he left at my place. Do I give it back?
Yep. As tempting as it might be to hold on to his stuff or trash it, that just keeps this drama alive. If you keep his stuff, heâll keep after you for it. If you trash his stuff, youâll have to worry about the situation escalating. If you want him out of your life and out of your head, put his crap in a bag, set it on your porch or leave it with a neutral third party, and tell him when he can swing by and get it.
How clean should a bottom be? A little bit of shit is kinda expected, isnât it? I mean, you are fucking an ass, right?
My expectations for sterling silver, crystal stemware, and fuckable ass are the same: I want it sparkling.
Zooming out: One doesnât have anal sex with an ass full of shit for the same reason one doesnât have oral sex with a mouth full of foodâitâs going to make a mess. Making sure your mouth is empty is easy, of course, but itâs not that difficult to empty or clean out an ass. Also, a good, fiber-rich diet empties and cleans out the ass naturally. Yes, you are fucking an ass, thatâs true, and shit sometimes happens. The top shouldnât poop-shame the bottom when it does happen, and the bottom doesnât need to have a meltdown. It just means you need to pivot to some other sexual activityâafter a quick cleanup restores the sparkle.