I'm a 43-year-old straight woman, and I spent the majority of my 30s celibate. At 40, I realized that while I wasnât interested in dating, I was tired of my vibrator. I also realized that it was time to go forth and fuck with the body I had instead of waiting for the idealized body I was going to have someday. Over the past three yearsâdespite being as fat as everâIâve consistently had fun, satisfying, exciting, creative, sometimes weird, occasionally scary, but mostly awesome sex. One guy I met on Craigslist was particularly great: awesome kisser, amazing dick. He came over, we fucked, it was excellent, we chatted, he left. This happened about four times. And then CL shut down the personals section. The only contact info I have for the guy is the anonymous CL address, and it no longer works. He has my Gmail address (the one I...
Can Really Envision Every Possibility
Donât do it, CREEPâdonât do that thing you already know you shouldnât, that thing you wouldnât want some dude to do to you, that thing you were probably hoping Iâd give you permission to do.
That thing? Donât do it.
Youâre engaged in whatâs called âdickful thinkingâ when guys do itâat least thatâs what I call it, CREEP. Itâs like wishful thinking, but with dicks. Men convince themselves of something improbable (âI bet sheâs one of those women who like unsolicited dick pics!â) or unlikely (âShowing up at her workplace will convince her to take me back!â) because itâs what they want. Think of all the guys youâve ever known who said, âShe wants me!â when in reality he was the one who wanted her. Clitful thinking may be rarer than dickful thinkingâwomen being less likely to think with their genitals and/or being more risk-averse due to socialization, slut-shaming, and the ever-present threat of gendered violenceâbut itâs not unheard of for a woman to rationalize unacceptable behavior (contacting this man at work) or deploy a self-serving justification (itâs just ONE email) or solicit a âYou go, girl!â from a sex-advice columnist when what she needs to hear is âHell no, girl!â
Again, donât do it. This guy has your email address and he knows how to reach you. And since you didnât have all that fun, satisfying, exciting, creative sex over the last few years with only him, CREEP, I shouldnât have to tell you to focus on your other options. But since your clit is doing your thinking for you right now, I must: Leave this dude alone and go fuck some other dudes.
I have a desperate question for you. Iâve worked with a vivacious 30-year-old for five years. For three and a half years, she had a live-in boyfriend. She had a different boyfriend recently. Iâm 58 years old and not good-looking. She is always sweet to me and always compliments me. Sheâs said that Iâm a genius and a gentleman, that Iâm a hoot, and that I have a confident walk. Iâve also overheard her say that she likes older men. However, a few months ago she walked up to me out of the blue and said that she just wants platonic relationships with coworkers. Then I overheard her say to another coworker: âI put out a sign, he will figure it out eventually.â But which sign did she mean? The âplatonicâ thing or the constant kindness?
Wondering On Reciprocated Kindnesses
This probably isnât what you wanted to hear either, WORK, but this woman isnât interested in youâand if you werenât engaged in dickful thinking, youâd know that. But your dick has somehow managed to convince you that youâre the âheâ she was referring to when she talked about sending someone a sign. But you need to ask yourselfâand itâs best to ask right after you masturbate, as thatâs when weâre least prone to dickful thinkingâwhich is likelier: she went out of her way to let you know sheâs not interested in dating anyone at work and youâre the âheâ she was referring to, or the âheâ she was referring to was one of the roughly four billion other men on the planet and not a coworker? I donât mean to be cruel, WORK, I just want to stop you from doing something that could get you fired or screw up what has, up to now, been a pleasant work relationship. While kindness can sometimes signal romantic interest, the full weight of the evidence hereâincluding the fact that she didnât send an unambiguous signal when she was briefly singleâindicates otherwise.
Iâm a cis, white, gay male, partnered 15 years, monogamous for the first 14. About a year ago, my partner agreed to let me play on my own outside of the relationship. The rules: not when heâs in town, no one comes home, no regulars. Iâve taken good care of myself (sexual frustration + gym)âand at 50, I find that Iâm attracting guys half my age. Sometimes, in the heat of passion, they call me âdaddy.â This took a LOT of getting used to, but am I going to stop what weâre doing to discuss nomenclature? Anyway, I refuse to call them âson,â because I find that creepy. âBabyâ doesnât really work for me, eitherâitâs what I call my partner. That leaves âboy.â Which is fine if theyâre white. The problem is, some of the jaw-droppers calling me âdaddyâ have been Black. And I absolutely refuse to call a Black guy âboy.â I want to leave them feeling amazing, not brooding on race relations and power imbalances. So what does a beautiful, dark-skinned, daddy-loving young man want to be called by the older white guy pounding him?
Daddyâs Uncomfortable Race Relations
Good for you for being able to think clearly even when your dick is hardâeven when itâs buried in some hot guyâbut I have to fault you for not reasoning your way to the obvious answer.
Youâre a white guy who doesnât feel comfortable calling a Black sex partner âboy,â which is usually what gay guys who call older partners âdaddyâ want to hear. But instead of asking the Black guys youâre fucking what they want to be called, DURR, you opted to ask some other old white dude what he thinks the Black guys youâre fucking might want to be called. Do you see the problem here? The guys you should be asking about this... are the guys youâre fucking. And you donât even have to call a halt to the action in order to ask them! Next time youâre balls-deep in some hot guy and he says, âFuck me, daddy,â growl and say, âThatâs right, Iâm your daddyâand what are you?â If he says, âIâm your boy,â then thatâs obviously what he wants to be called.