We brought Savage Love Live to the Music Box Theatre in Chicago, the Barrymore Theatre in Madison, and the Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis over three nights. As is always the case at live shows, the crowd had more questions than I could possibly answer in a single night. So in this weekâs column, Iâm going to tear through some of the questions I wasnât able to get to.
If you use food for vaginal play, is there any type you should definitely avoid?
Lasagna makes for a lousy insertion toy. (Food doesnât belong in vaginas; there could be bacteria on the food, even after washing, that results in a nasty infection. #FuckFirst #EatAfter)
How do you feel about relationships that have a time frame or defined end point? For example, one person is going away for school or a new job?
Iâm fine about relationships with seemingly set...
We brought Savage Love Live to the Music Box Theatre in Chicago, the Barrymore Theatre in Madison, and the Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis over three nights. As is always the case at live shows, the crowd had more questions than I could possibly answer in a single night. So in this weekâs column, Iâm going to tear through some of the questions I wasnât able to get to.
If you use food for vaginal play, is there any type you should definitely avoid?
Lasagna makes for a lousy insertion toy. (Food doesnât belong in vaginas; there could be bacteria on the food, even after washing, that results in a nasty infection. #FuckFirst #EatAfter)
How do you feel about relationships that have a time frame or defined end point? For example, one person is going away for school or a new job?
Iâm fine about relationships with seemingly set end points, as relationships donât have to be open to or become long-term in order to be a success. (Did you meet a nice person? Did you have some good sex? Did you part on good terms? Success!) And the world is filled with couples that met at a time in their lives when school or work commitments meant they couldnât be togetherâand yet, years or even decades later, theyâre still together. You never know.
Is it okay that I always seem to hate my partnersâ mothers? Is this normal?
It isnât and itâs not. When youâre the common denominator in a lot of high-stress, high-conflict relationships, youâre most likely the problem.
Why do straight guys like anal so much?
Superhero movies, bottled beer, watching sportsâthere are lots of things straight guys like that I just donât get. But I get why they like anal: Done right, anal feels amazing. And not just for the person doing the penetrating. When itâs done right, it is also great for the person being penetrated. And sometimes the person being penetrated is a straight guy.
After a year of dating, my boyfriend told me he is polyamorous. I donât know how to proceed. Any tips?
If he meant, âPolyamory is my sexual orientation, and you have to allow me to date other people, and you canât break up with me over this because that would amount to discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation,â thatâs bullshit and this relationship is over. But if he meant, âPolyamory is a better relationship model for me than monogamy,â thatâs not bullshit and the conversation is just getting started. If you prefer monogamy but youâre willing to consider polyamory to be with him, i.e., if thatâs a price of admission youâre willing to pay, it could work out. But if you arenât open to polyamory, and monogamy isnât a price heâs willing to pay to be with you, it wonât work out.
I work in secondary education and Iâm in an open marriage. My job is awesome, but Iâm so afraid of a student or a parent seeing me when Iâm out with a different partner. What should I do?
You could hope people would mind their own business and continue to make out in public with your other partnersâor whatever it is youâre doing in public that makes it clear youâre fucking/dating someone who isnât your spouseâor you could be discreet. Since antidiscrimination statutes donât offer protections to people in open relationships, and since people regularly freak out about teachers having sex at all, you really have no other choices besides discretion (when out with others) or shouldering the risk (of losing your job).
My poly friend has started bringing her flavor-of-the-week partners to social events instead of her awesome wife. How do I tell her Iâd rather hang out with her and her wife than her and her (usually boring, always temporary) new fling?
Maybe your poly friendâs wife doesnât want to hang out with you. Wait, I can say that in a nicer way: Maybe your poly friendâs wife is an introvert who would rather stay home and sheâs only too delighted that the flavor-of-the-week is willing to escort her wife to the box social. But if you miss your friendâs wife, maybe give her a call and invite her to lunch?
My former lover cheated on his current live-in girlfriend with me. She has no idea. Should I tell her what a narcissistic cheater her boyfriend is?
Vengeful former affair partners donât have much more credibility than narcissistic cheatersâindeed, people view both with similar contempt. But you do you.
My husband and I are swingers. For him, itâs who he is. For me, itâs something I do (and like!). We argue over how often we go out or have sex with other couples. Any suggestions for finding a happy medium?
More often than youâd like, and less often than heâd likeâcall it the bittersweet spot.
What tips do you have for lesbians in long-term relationships who want to keep sex fun and interesting?
My advice for lesbians who want to keep their LTRs hot is the same as my advice for gays, straights, bis, etc. who want to keep theirs hot. At the start of the relationship, you were the adventure they were on, and they were the adventure you were on. Thatâs why it was so effortlessly hot at the start. But once youâre not each otherâs sexy new adventure anymoreâonce youâre an established coupleâyou have to go find sexy adventures together to keep it hot. And that requires making a conscious effort. Explore your kinks, buy some sex toys, have sex someplace other than your bedroom, invite very special guest stars, etc.
How do I create a sexier bedroom for even better sex?
Bedrooms are overrated, if you ask me (which you did), whereas basements, office stairwells, clean single-seat restrooms in upscale restaurants, dark corners of public parks, the space underneath banquet tables in hotel ballrooms, etc., are all underutilized.
Can you explain why male chastity is such a popular kink? Iâm not offended by it, just curious about its sudden widespread popularity.
âI think a big factor is that people are enjoying the heightened mental connections that tend to develop with chastity play,â said Christopher of Steelwerks Extreme, makers of the Rolls-Royce of male chastity devices. âFrequent business travel and long-distance relationships also make chastity an increasingly popular kink as the cage-wearer and key-holder can maintain a playful dynamic without needing to be in the same room.â
Iâm 99.975 percent sure I donât want kids. My boyfriend of almost four years has a vasectomy scheduled for the end of the year. Should we go through with it? My boyfriend is really fucking sexy, hence the .025 percent doubt.
Vasectomies, like pregnancies, are reversible. Your boyfriend could also go to a sperm bank and put a load or three on ice.
Female, 32, straight, and very pregnant. Iâm about to pop! Do you have any postpartum sex advice?
Explore outercourse for a while and try to have (or try to fake) a positive attitude about it.
Your thoughts on transmasculine folks who donât necessarily identify as men using the word âfaggotâ?
Fine, so long as they put the emphasis on the second syllable.