My ex-girlfriend, who I dated for nine months, called me two months after we broke up and accused me of giving her HPV. She was going on, telling me how I needed to tell any future person I had sex with that I have HPV. Iā€™m a 38-year-old man, and Iā€™ve never had any signs or symptoms of any sexually transmitted infections. I know HPV is very common, often clears up on its own, and cannot be tested for in men. What are your thoughts? Do I need to tell sexual partners that I have HPV?

Help Person Vacillating

Most people are infected with HPVā€”the human papillomavirusā€”at some point in their lifetime, most never develop symptoms, and in most cases the infection goes away on its own. Thereā€™s an effective and safe vaccine that protects people from HPV strains that can cause cervical, anal, dick, or throat cancerā€”and everyone,...

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My ex-girlfriend, who I dated for nine months, called me two months after we broke up and accused me of giving her HPV. She was going on, telling me how I needed to tell any future person I had sex with that I have HPV. Iā€™m a 38-year-old man, and Iā€™ve never had any signs or symptoms of any sexually transmitted infections. I know HPV is very common, often clears up on its own, and cannot be tested for in men. What are your thoughts? Do I need to tell sexual partners that I have HPV?

Help Person Vacillating

Most people are infected with HPVā€”the human papillomavirusā€”at some point in their lifetime, most never develop symptoms, and in most cases the infection goes away on its own. Thereā€™s an effective and safe vaccine that protects people from HPV strains that can cause cervical, anal, dick, or throat cancerā€”and everyone, regardless of age, should get vaccinated. And since people can develop symptoms years after their initial exposure, thereā€™s no way for your ex-girlfriend to know that you infected her. Or that she didnā€™t infect you. Every sexually active adult should assume theyā€™ve been exposed to HPV, that they have it or have had it, and conduct themselves accordingly.


Iā€™m a gay man, and thereā€™s a guy I see on the bus who I find attractive in the extreme. I canā€™t keep myself from looking at him. Now here comes the but: He smokes. Iā€™ve been toying with an idea to convince him to quit. I want to slip a note into his pocket or backpack with the following proposal: ā€œLetā€™s make a deal. You give up cigarettes, and in return Iā€™ll give you a blowjob once a week for a year. Iā€™m concerned about your health. Please consider.ā€ Other people who ride the bus also smoke, but Iā€™m not inclined to make them the same offer. But it makes me sad knowing this guy smokes, and I want to get him to stop. If this idea is crazy, please say soā€”it will help me move on.

Before Undertaking Sincere Tobacco Eradication Deal

While your motives are no doubt pureā€”thereā€™s nothing in this plan for you, BUSTED, just the quiet satisfaction of putting a beautiful stranger on the path to better healthā€”you donā€™t know if this guy is attracted to you. But heā€™s likely to react badly to your proposal even if he is. Because while you and I both know youā€™re being entirely selflessā€”youā€™re the Florence Nightingale of anonymous/no-recip blowjobsā€”this extremely attractive stranger is going to assume youā€™re a delusional creep with boundary issues, because slipping a note like that into someoneā€™s backpack or pocket (which would require you to technically and legally assault him) is precisely the kind of thing delusional creeps with boundary issues do. And because delusional creeps with boundary issues do this sort of thing, BUSTED, good and decent guys like you canā€™t do it without being misunderstood. So absent some sign of interest from this attractive strangerā€”like him staring back at youā€”youā€™re going to do what any normal, non-delusional, non-creepy gay guy would do after seeing an attractive stranger on the bus: leave him alone while surreptitiously checking to see if heā€™s on any of the gay hookup apps.


My wife is Ć¼ber-vanilla. She is willing to spank me and peg me, but she wonā€™t ā€œtake chargeā€ of the situation. Sheā€™s doing it to please me and expects me to signal approval throughout the process. As soon as a spanking gets to the point that Iā€™m flinching and wanting it to stop, she stops. Weā€™ve never gotten more than a few strokes into the pegging for the same reason. I donā€™t really crave pain per se, but I want and need her to be in charge.

Seeking Pointers About Needed Kinks

One of the top reasons people choose safe words, SPANK, is so that they can scream, ā€œOh, God! Stop, please! I beg you! Itā€™s too much!ā€ and the person whoā€™s spanking or pegging them knows that since they didnā€™t hear ā€œcollusionā€ or ā€œGiulianiā€ or ā€œZelensky,ā€ the spanking or pegging can continue. Not using the safe word is how a sub signals their approval throughout the spanking/pegging/whatevering processā€”or, at the very least, how a sub signals their willingness to endure the spanking/pegging/whatevering to please the top.


My long-term partner and I are in a soft Dom/sub relationship. Neither of us has been sexually or physically abused. I suffer mainly from depression and a little anxiety. Lately when the sex is great, I end up having a panic attack. If I have an intense orgasm and then he goes to town with penetration, there will be a point where I physically shove him off and then my body shakes and my breathing starts getting really fast and I start crying, and basically Iā€™m having a panic attack. I feel terrible for my partner, because itā€™s not really his fault. But somehow the physical overstimulation gives my body the ā€œokayā€ to have a panic attack. Itā€™s happened a few times, and my partner is now hesitant to have sex. I want to be able to stop these panic attacks mainly for him. However, when I do have the panic attacks, I want to just cry and let everything out. But of course my amazing partner just wants to comfort me and get it to stop. Please help.

Problems Around Nookie-Induced Crisis

Panic attacks during sex are something you might want to explore with a therapist or counselor, PANIC. If youā€™re already seeing someone about your depression and anxiety, please bring these attacks up with your provider. If you arenā€™t seeing someone, please start seeing someone. As for your partnerā€™s hesitation to have intercourse, well, thatā€™s understandable. But thereā€™s an easy enough work-around: If an intense orgasm followed by go-to-town-style penetration triggers your panic attacks, then either donā€™t do penetrative sex after youā€™ve had an intense orgasm or wait until after your partner goes to town to have your orgasm.


Iā€™ve been in situations where Iā€™m with my better half, rocking her world, giving her an orgasm, coming inside her, and she loves it. The next week, same scenario, sheā€™s moaning and groaning, I explode, and she says to me, ā€œDid you come?ā€ And Iā€™m there thinking, ā€œI thought I was pleasuring her like last time, and she suddenly canā€™t tell when I exploded inside her?!ā€

What The Actual Fuck

Sometimes the person getting fucked (PGF) is paying close attention to the person doing the fucking (PDTF). The PGF is really taking the PDTF in, the PGF can see how close the PDTF is getting, the PGF knows just when the PDTF has arrived. But sometimes the PGFā€™s eyes roll back in their head and they float the fuck away, WTAF, because the fucking feels that damn good. The PGF moans, the PGF groans, but the PGF is so lost in the physical and emotional sensationsā€”theyā€™re getting so deeply into the dickingā€”that itā€™s not until after the PDTF stops fucking them that the PGF even realizes the PDTF is done fucking them. So itā€™s not a bad sign that your better half sometimes has to ask if you came, WTAF; itā€™s a good sign.

Vivamus dui velit, vehicula non sodales a, aliquet sit amet orci. In lorem nulla, porttitor a nibh ac, auctor sodales libero. Phasellus sit amet consectetur urna, sed congue neque. Mauris a commodo arcu, sed commodo libero. Nam vel orci sapien. Pellentesque ac magna hendrerit, efficitur purus dapibus, facilisis est. Maecenas tortor ante, lacinia eget ante vitae, aliquet interdum tortor. Suspendisse potenti. Morbi quis bibendum arcu.