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A friend hooked me up with a much younger guy for weed. Letās call him āPretty Boy.ā He knew something about meāPretty Boy had been to a party at my houseāand I knew something about him: heās a burner, like our mutual. Consent is supposed to be a core burner value and before we hook up, Pretty Boy asks if he can bring his paddles. So, we had a talk and I tell him Iām open to a little pain, but Iām mostly meh about it. (Except love bites. I love me some love bites.) Long story short: Pretty Boy thinks heās a great fuck cuz heās got a great big one and can pound long and hard. My pussy aināt been touched in almost three years but so...
Sore Lady: āSo, surely this has happened before, yes?ā
Pretty Boy: āOf course it has. LOL.ā
Now Iām mad. This motherfucker knew! He did it on purpose! I ask him point blank if he got off on it and he wonāt answer. Which means he did. Now I want to set him on fire. But here's the thing: Pretty Boy is the finest thing Iāve ever had the pleasure of putting my hands on in my entire life. I warned him that I have a history of channeling my rage into intricate revenge plots, most too crazy to carry out. I did rat him out to the dude who hooked us up. As for Pretty Boy, I could tell him to sit down, shut up, and hear my truth, but I already delivered that message. (See: OUCH.) I should probably slam the door and lock it, but he is the finest thing! And Iāve never had a hookup that wasnāt a little bit sketchy. But this is too much, right? RIGHT?
Boys Are Supposed To Ask Right, Dan?
P.S. I didnāt even cum either time!
So, Pretty Boy doesnāt care if you come or not, he ignores your feedback during sex, and he engages in rough sex knowing itās sometimes painfulāin a bad wayāfor his sex partners.
Fuck that guy.
By which I mean, of course, donāt fuck that guy. But youāre obviously tempted to fuck that guy again, BASTARD, as you make clear in your letter. (A letter I spent an hour editing for, um, clarity.) You wanna fuck Pretty Boy again because heās the āfinest thingā youāve ever gotten to touch. Pretty Boy is so hot, BASTARD, that youāre tempted to fuck him despite wanting to set him on fireāin a bad wayāafter you spoke to him about the sex being painful.
Look, BASTARD, having a hot FWB is great, but having a hot FWBāor boyfriend or girlfriend or enbyfriendāwhoās a shitty, selfish, inconsiderate lover is a lot like owning a house with an amazing view that happens to be right next door to a trash incinerator. Sooner or later you get used to the view and start taking it for granted, BASTARD, and the only thing you really notice after that is the stench.
Still, if youāre inclined to extend Pretty Boy the benefit of the doubt, BASTARD, it wouldnāt be hard to whip one up. Heās young! Itās entirely possible all the women heās fucked up to this point in his short life liked his style, i.e., long and hard pounding! Itās also possible the woman heās fucked hated his style and, like you, hoped Pretty Boy would hear āOUCH,ā stop, solicit their feedback, and correct course. Seeing thatās not something heās either able or inclined to do, youāre gonna have to use your words and the actual leverage you have over himāyour pussy, not your mutualsāto get him to fuck you without physically hurting you.
If he wants back in your pussy, tell him he has do it/things/you differently. More foreplay, going slower, using lube, not going all the way in (with or without an Ohnut)āwhatever he needs to do to make sex more comfortable and pleasurable for you, that needs to be a clearly-stated (by you!) and enforced (ditto!) condition of him getting anywhere near your pussy ever again.
And if he laughs it off, BASTARD, set him on fire*.
P.S. What happened to the paddles?
Iām a cis woman in a relationship with a cis man for eight years. The sex is fantastic, mostly because we prioritize connection, play and pleasure rather than penetration or orgasms, though we have plenty of both. My partner lasts a long time and only comes about a third of the time. About half the time we do PIV he outlasts both my own orgasm and the lube, meaning that Iāll stop things when the friction becomes painful and heāll either finish outside of me or wonāt come at all. These options work for us and the sex is consistently great! The dilemma is that weāve decided to start trying to conceive, which requires him to come inside me. Iām worried that the emphasis on this one act will put so much pressure on him that sex will become less fun. Iām also worried it will make ejaculation even more difficult. Do you have any suggestions on how to make this more playful? Maybe a suggestion on how to get the lube to last longer? Is there a way to eroticize the whole process more? Or is subpar sex just an inevitable part of trying to conceive?
Conception Really Impeding My Pleasures
Subpar sex while youāre trying to conceive kindasorta comes with the territory, CRIMP, and it may be the least of your worriesā¦
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