Iā€™m a woman who married young (21) and Iā€™ve been with my husband for seven years. Within the last year, Iā€™ve realized that my falling libido probably comes from the fact that I am not turned-on by our boring vanilla sex routine. I get so little fulfillment that Iā€™d rather not even do it. Iā€™ve tried talking to him, but he says he prefers sex without foreplay or a lot of ā€œcomplicated stuff.ā€ I had some great casual sex before we met but it turns out Iā€™m into BDSM, which I found out when I recently had a short affair. Iā€™ve kept the secret and guilt to myself, but I have told my husband Iā€™m into BDSM. He wants to make me happy, but I can tell he isnā€™t turned on doing these things. He denies it, because heā€™s just happy to have sex at all, but a butt plug...

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Iā€™m a womanĀ who married young (21) and Iā€™ve been with my husband for seven years. Within the last year, Iā€™ve realized that my falling libido probably comes from the fact that I am not turned-on by our boring vanilla sex routine. I get so little fulfillment that Iā€™d rather not even do it. Iā€™ve tried talking to him, but he says he prefers sex without foreplay or a lot of ā€œcomplicated stuff.ā€ I had some great casual sex before we met but it turns out Iā€™m into BDSM, which I found out when I recently had a short affair. Iā€™ve kept the secret and guilt to myself, but I have told my husband Iā€™m into BDSM. He wants to make me happy, but I can tell he isnā€™t turned on doing these things. He denies it, because heā€™s just happy to have sex at all, but a butt plug and a slap on the ass does not a Dom make. Iā€™ve tried to ask him if we can open up our relationship so that I can live out my fantasies. I would like to go to a BDSM club and he isnā€™t interested at all. He was very upset and said heā€™s afraid of losing me if we go. He also felt like I was giving him an ultimatum. But I told him he was allowed to say no, and that I wouldnā€™t leave if he did.

When I was younger, I thought there was something wrong with me because everyone else wanted monogamy, but it never seemed important to me. Iā€™m not a jealous person and I wouldnā€™t mind if he had sex with other people. In fact, the thought of it turns me on but he says he isnā€™t interested. I know he loves me, and I love him. At this point my only solution has been to suppress this urge to have BDSM sex, but I donā€™t know if it is a good long-term solution. What should I do? Keep my fantasies to myself? Have another affair or ask him to have an open relationship again? We have a 3-year-old daughter, so I have to make our relationship work.

Want The Hard Truth

Two quick points before I bring out the big guns...

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