I found out by accident that my husband is emotionally cheating on me with his ex. I know you are critical of the concept of emotional cheating, but I’m talking about long love letters explaining that he wishes he would have married her, how she is the best person in the world, how he will always love her, etc. He sends her gifts behind my back and communicates with her frequently and hides it from me. I broke down when I found out and confronted him, and he was apologetic at first. But he quickly started to accuse me of “just being jealous.” He continues to lie and hide. I can’t bring it up because he just gets angry, and I’ve resigned to participate in the charade that is my marriage. I’ve told him that I don’t have a problem with him being friends with her so long as he treats her like other friends. That would mean, for example, no longer professing his undying love for her. But he continues to do so, and I’ve come to realize that this will never change. She will always be his romantic fantasy, while I’m the idiot who’s more practical for everyday use. My self-esteem was crap before we met, after being abused by my kids’ alcoholic father, and I felt rehabilitated when my husband asked me to marry him. I felt chosen. Then I found out that I was being played for a fool. But I stayed with him, thus proving even more to the world how little I’m worth. Anyway, I don’t think I should leave. I want to preserve what is mostly a functioning family unit and not disrupt my kids’ lives again. But any advice on how I can live with myself for the decades to come before I’m finally allowed to just roll over and die?

Can’t Hack Another Really Aggravating Divorce Experience

I’m not so much critical of the concept of emotional cheating...

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