I’m a woman in a new polyamorous relationship with a man who has a five-year-old daughter. He and his ex-partner split up a year ago and until two weeks ago, his ex wasn’t allowing him to see his child. However, once she learned of my existence, she suddenly changed her mind. I believe she’s letting him see his child now because she thinks this will drive a wedge between us. In reality, we’re both over the moon that he’s reconnecting with his daughter. Now here’s where I am going to ask for advice. My new boyfriend has recently begun exploring polyamory, and his ex doesn’t know I’m not the only woman he’s seeing. He’s not yet publicly out with the new woman, as it’s a recent thing, whereas we’ve been together more than six months. However, all three of us are getting along very well, and people in our social dance scene have started noticing. This dance scene is where his ex learned about me. Do you think that it’s safe for us to be open about his other relationship? Or do you think his ex will get angry and jealous that he’s enjoying life to the fullest and cut off contract with his daughter again?

Regarding A Vengeful Ex

“For seventeen years, I’ve represented clients in child custody cases throughout New York State where being polyamorous — or kinky or a sex worker or frequenting sex workers or other issues of personal sexuality — is being used against a client,” said Diana Adams, Executive Director of Chosen Family Law Center. “And whether it’s safe to be openly polyamorous when you share custody with an ex who could potentially take you to court and bring it up in a child custody case sadly depends on your zip code.”

This is going to seem crazy, RAVE, because it is crazy: Before making the obvious move here — before your boyfriend lawyers up to secure his parental rights and responsibilities (he is making child support payments, right?) — you’re gonna need to look the local results of the last four national elections.

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