Question about genders and dating apps which I will try to keep brief. I am a 45-year-old married cis male. After more than a decade of dipping in and out of the swinging lifestyle, my wife and I have decided to open up to dating other people. Iâm trying to catch up with the language of dating apps. I would like to express that I am open to dating people of various genders and orientations so long as they donât have a penis. I am attracted to lots of different kinds of people along the masc/femme continuum, but I know from personal experience that Iâm not interested in D. âLooking for people AFABâ was suggested by a friend, but that doesnât seem very nice to me. Any suggestions on how to convey this in a way that doesnât sound awful? Also, if a âstraightâ man has sex with or dates a non-binary-identifying AFAB individual, would he be considered bisexual? Oh, and you donât need to tell me this is all moot. I am aware that middle-aged and married cis dudes donât pull a lot of likes from beautiful, non-binary folks anyway.
Concerning Intimate Semantical Meanings And Nuances
Climbing out on a limb here to say⊠thereâs nothing bisexual about a person who was assigned/observed male at birth and who currently identifies with his assigned/observed sex and is exclusively attracted to AFAB persons, CISMAN, not even when that guy is balls deep in the vagina of someone who uses they/them pronouns. If I had to slap a label on the sex youâre hoping to have with AFAB enbies⊠if someone held a gun to my head and forced me to print out a label⊠I would slap the âstraight sexâ label on it. And thatâs fine, CISMAN, as consensual straight sex is nothing to be ashamed of and can be quite lovely. Itâs also how God makes more queers, soâby all (consensual) meansâhave at.
Now, an AFAB person who identifies as non-binary is queerâbecause, like, you know, of course they areâbut having sex with a queer person doesnât automatically make you queer. Like a straight guy with a bisexual girlfriend, CISMAN, fucking or dating a non-binary AFAB individual doesnât magically make you something other than straight. But since a non-binary AFAB is queer, a straight guy in a relationship with a non-binary AFAB is in a queer relationship, just like a straight guy with a bisexual girlfriend is in a queer relationship. But I would argueâand this is a hill my gay ass is prepared to die onâthat cis straight guys who are only interested in AFAB persons, regardless of how they identify or present, so long as those AFAB persons have vaginas they can stick their dicks in, those guysâguys like youâare and always will be straight guys.
Moving the fuck onâŠ
âExclusively attracted to AFAB people, however they identify,â is not only a perfectly respectful way of asking the Internet for what you want, CISMAN, itâs a good way to avoid wasting the time of people who donât have what you want. Despite what you may have heard from some loud people online, âgenital preferencesâ are not bigotry. Sexual orientations are real, and primary sex characteristics are something our sexual orientations orient us toward. While some people are attracted to particular kinds of gender expression and genitals are irrelevant or interchangeableâand some any-junk-will-do types donât realize this about themselves until giving it some thought (so everyone should give it some thought)âfor most people, the combo platter of gender presentation and primary sex characteristics are hardwired dealmakers. People who argue with one breath that sex matters very much when it comes to their gender identityâand conflict between the two must (quite rightly) be resolved in genderâs favorâcanât turn around and argue with the next breath that sex shouldnât matter at all when it comes to other peopleâs sexual orientations. That cunt wonât hunt.
Finally, CISMAN, donât sell yourself short! You may not be overwhelmed by the response you get online (most men arenât), but youâre gonna be someoneâs jam. But to optimize your odds of success, donât rely exclusively on dating and hookup apps. The increasing âenshitificationâ of dating apps, as the brilliant writer Cory Doctorow puts it, is inspiring people to go actual places and do actual things again in the hopes of meeting actual people who actually wanna fuck them. So, in addition to putting your profile up on apps, head out to bars and clubs where you feel comfortable, go to or throw parties and invite your friends to bring friends, join a few clubs, and volunteer for an organization whose mission you support. Because you never know: a hot AFAB personâbinary or nonâwho wouldâve swiped left on your photo might actually wanna fuck you after meeting your straight cis married ass in person.
