Dear Readers: Well, fuck.
Reading a sex-advice column at a time like this — to say nothing of writing a sex-advice column at a time like this — might seem a little pointless. But I’ve lived long enough to know that seemingly pointless distractions, small comforts, and guilty pleasures have the power to sustain us in bad times. Taking a moment to read (or write or illustrate) a sex-advice column — or listen to or make some music or watch or make some porn — doesn’t mean you’re complacent or complicit. (Unless you voted for him, of course, in which case you can fuck the fuck off.) Because it’s the little things — the small pleasures — that keep us sane, keep us connected, and keep us going. Anyway, sitting down to write a column this week lifted my spirits a bit. I hope reading this week’s column lifts yours. — Dan
P.S. All of the letters below came in late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning last week, so some of them — but not all of them — are about the election. If you’re sick of reading about the election, feel free to skip to the last two questions, which are about sex, glorious sex, which remains the single best distraction/comfort/pleasure there is.
 I’m in despair. I don’t know my country anymore. I’m inclined to move away. What do you recommend?
Election Night Blues
I recommend we retire the expression, “This is not who we are.” We could say that after Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but lost the election (fucking Electoral College) and we could say that after George W. Bush lost the popular vote but won the election (fucking Electoral College). But as of this writing, it looks like that asshole is on track to win the popular vote and the Electoral College. So, yeah. This is who we are — at least right now.
Anyway, if someone told me twenty years ago that a reality-show host/serial sexual predator with a golden toilet would one day appoint a majority of the justices on the Supreme Court, as Trump is likely to have done before the end of his second term, I would’ve thought about emigrating then. But leaving — whether we’re talking about leaving a shitty spouse or a shitty country — is always easier said than done. So, we’re gonna do what most people in shitty relationships wind up doing: we’re going to stay and we’re going to fight.
It’s the morning after the election and I am sobbing for what’s to come and for what we have all lost. Then I started thinking more personally about our youngest. Born female nineteen years ago, they began transitioning to male three years ago. I fear for them. My first thought was to beg them to transition back to female, seeing as they haven’t had blockers or any surgeries yet. I feel horrible that was my first thought. I want them to live their true self, but as a mom, I want to make sure they are safe. My second thought was to get their passport renewed, so if we need to get them out of the country fast, we can get them out. Thoughts?
Super Upset Mom
I’m planning to stay and fight — at least that’s the plan for now — but I’m not gonna let my passport expire. So, I fully support your plan to get your trans kid’s passport renewed, SUM. Diana Adams, Esq., who founded the Chosen Family Law Center, posted a thread the day after the election with tons of legal advice for queer people worried about their rights and safety in the wake of this election. Adams specifically recommends that trans people like your son update their passports, Social Security records, and state IDs so they all have the same names and gender markers. If you need help doing that, you can find additional resources and legal help at the Chosen Family Law Center.
P.S. If you’re one of the 70% of Americans who don’t have a passport… now might be a good time to get one.
Read the rest of this week's column here! And on this week's Lovecast: We hear from a neglected third in a poorly executed threeway hook-up. He failed to advocate for himself, and the other two guys weren’t asking if he was ok, sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. How could this have gone better? And on the Magnum: Our guest this week is the soothing, clever and cussing Jeff Guenther a.k.a Therapy Jeff. Somehow Dan convinced him to come on the show and give him (and all of us really,) some free therapy around the grief we are all feeling.  And of course Jeff sticks around to answer sex questions too. Listen in here!
