My girlfriend and I started to do butt play (her butt) about two months ago. It was a once-per-week thing, first with butt plugs and then, after two weeks, anal. Two weeks ago, shortly after anal sex, she caught a really bad flu (confirmed by a medical test) that lasted a week, with a stubborn fever and fatigue. She is not the type to usually get knocked out by an illness; she’s healthy, active, eats well, etc. After her symptoms finally passed, we waited about a week, and then we were back to business, though this time with just the butt plug. A day later, her fever and fatigue were back, and again they hit her harder than she’s used to and lasted a few days.

So, here’s the thing: Everyone’s talking these days about the importance of the body’s natural biome and healthy bacteria. I know that gut bacteria are obviously deeper in the intestine, but I’d imagine there’s got to be some “good bugs” in the ass, too, right? Basically, I’m wondering if she’s just been having a spate of bad luck with some coincidental timing, or if shoving stuff up your butt can actually weaken or damage your biome and kill your healthy bacteria.

Some other details: She doesn’t use any chemical anal douches or anything (just shower water, thoroughly applied by hand), the butt plug is silicone (washed with soap and water), we use Sliquid Sassy (a water-based lube), we never go A-to-V, and there’s no evidence we’re doing things too rough (i.e., some moderate soreness the day after but no blood).

Neither of us wants to give up our new hobby, but we also don’t want to risk damaging her immunity. Is there any evidence, medically or anecdotally, that this is a real issue?

Biology Upends Naughty Shenanigans

Your girlfriend’s gastrointestinal tract is thirty feet long — so, unless you’re hung like three consecutive horses and/or you’re shopping for butt plugs in the “you’ve got to be kidding me” aisle of the sex shop, BUNS, you’re only playing with the last six to ten inches. And the bacteria in your girlfriend’s rectum (good witch bacteria, bad witch bacteria) are on their way out, BUNS, not up, and douching and anal play can only hasten their departure. So, I would chalk your girlfriend’s recent post-anal-play illnesses up to coincidence. And what she experienced was a thing — or if it’s still a common thing (“flu-like symptoms” are an early sign of HIV infection) — rabid anti-gay bigots would not shut up about it (they love talking about butt stuff), and actual gay men would schedule anal on the Fridays of three-day weekends. Just the fact that sexually active gay men into anal (#NotAllGayMen) don’t set aside three days to recover after anal sex is solid anecdotal evidence that this was a coincidence, BUNS, not a thing.

 

 

 Trans woman from Denmark here. I’ve matched with a cuck on Feeld who’s looking for people who want to have sex with his fiancĂ©e. He was clear that this is not a simple “hotwifing” scene, as he enjoys the humiliation aspect of it. So, if this thing happens (we are still negotiating), what word would I use to describe myself? What would my position be called? I heard on the podcast that the person who fucks the wife of a cuckold is sometimes called a “bull.” This strikes me as a very male-coded term. What if the third party is a woman? Does this touch upon some kind of gendered bias in the cuck culture? Is it more typical to want a man to fuck your partner?

Nervous About Terminology

You don’t fuck a man’s fiancĂ©e — or his man’s wife or girlfriend or boyfriend or husband — with a term, NAT, you fuck a man’s fiancĂ©e/wife/girlfriend/etc. with whatever it is you enjoy fucking a person with, e.g. your fingers, your tongue, your toys, your dick (bio or strap-on), etc. Also, you don’t have to present a business card with “bull” engraved on it when you arrive, NAT, and you will not be announced by a herald when you enter the bedroom. Cuckold scenes are about power, not nicknames, and you can enjoy the power play — you can enjoy having sex with this man’s fiancĂ©e — without having to embrace and/or tacitly endorse terms other people use to describe themselves when they fuck other people’s partners.

That said, “bull” is the most common term for the third in a cuckold scene, and the default understanding the term is a dominant, well-endowed man who is in every way sexually superior to the cuck. Some people feel the term is hypermasculine (in ways that can be good or bad), dehumanizing (in ways that are almost always bad), and racially loaded (in a very bad way). The stereotype of the Black bull — brought in to ravish a white wife while the white husband watches — is a common trope in cuck porn (and play), and some find it deeply problematic. But something can be problematic and still be a turn-on; there are Black men out there who identify as bulls and enjoy playing that role for couples who respect them as people. But the term is optional. If you’re into the dynamic and the chemistry with this couple is right and you’re certain his fiancĂ©e has enthusiastically consented to “cheating” with you, you can go for it as yourself.

But if you like the term, NAT, you aren’t disqualified from using it just because you’re a woman. While the term is male-coded, it’s also insertive-partner-coded (bulls do the fucking), but gay cucks refer to the men who sleep with their top husbands as bottom bulls. If gay cucks can use “bull” to refer to thirds regardless of who’s doing the fucking, NAT, I don’t see why a woman can’t use it to refer to herself.

 

 

Read the rest of this week's column here! And this week on the Lovecast: A woman is in a new, fun, casual relationship, just like she wanted. But he will be moving away in a few months, so there’s a clear end date. How can they enjoy themselves knowing the end is nigh?

On the Magnum, put on your pink glasses
it’s Randy Rainbow! Rainbow’s political, musical theater-based parodies are what the world needs now, more than ever. He and Dan talk about his children’s book (“Randy Rainbow and the Marvelously Magical Pink Glasses,”) as well as being Randy Rainbow in a world full of haters, the special relationship between gay men and their grandmothers and how to have noisy sex without infuriating your uptight neighbor. This interview basically kicks off gay pride this year, so it’s required listening. Check it out here!Â