GGG female here. Until six months ago I was in what I thought was a romantic six-month relationship with a man who came out as bisexual shortly after he dumped me. Both the end of the relationship and this revelation were surprises to me: he had maintained that he was "five percent bi-curious" throughout our relationship. Even though my not having a dick was a huge part of his decision to back out of a monogamous relationship with me, he relentlessly beat me over the head with what he considered to be my flaws in the form of nasty text messages after we broke up. I was miserable over everything until about a month ago when he sent me an email flat-out admitting that the relationship had only been sex to him, at which point my feelings toward him shifted to disgust and sheer hatred.

Thankfully I've moved way the hell on from this monstrous asshole, but one incident from this "relationship" continues to trouble me: The last time we had sex (the first and only time we were 'intimate' following the breakup, while there was still talk of getting back together), he finished doing his thing and immediately said, "I want anal on a regular basis." It was more of a command than a request. He said not only as if I were his whore, but as if I were a bad whore for not letting him put his dick wherever he goddamn wanted whenever he wanted. It isn't just these words that haunt me, but the way he stood over me with his fugly face twisted into a hateful sneer when he said them. I am horrified that the man I was in love with would say something so disrespectful to me, and now I'm afraid that other men will take advantage of my desire to be a giving, open-minded lover and that future failed relationships will leave me feeling like a dirty whore.

I now have a wonderful new lover—other-worldly by comparison—and I want to make things work with him. How can I continue being GGG without making myself susceptible to being used for sex?

Ruptured Sex Doctrine

My response after the jump...


You weren't in love with this man, RSD.

He hadn't fully revealed himself to you—you didn't know who he was when you were technically still with him; you didn't know who he was for even one moment of the entire six months you spent with him. When he did reveal himself—finally—you quickly realized that you were mistaken about him. You didn't love him, you couldn't love him.

Because he was an asshole.

Give yourself a break, RSD, and resist the urge to view the mistake you made or being GGG as evidence of character flaws. We've all made mistakes. And being GGG didn't doom this relationship; it's not what turned him into an asshole. If your desire to be GGG lead you to do things with this man that you didn't enjoy, weren't ready for, or merely regret in retrospect (because the asshole didn't deserve 'em!), just take things slower next time—just be good, giving, game, and gradual next time.