I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. —Dan

Originally published December 11, 2008:

I am obsessed with my girlfriend sitting on my face, so I can eat her out while my nose penetrates her. It drives her crazy as well. I am wondering if you have heard of a dildo that could be mounted on my face, specifically on my nose, so that I penetrate her more deeply while she sits on my face and I lick her clit? Basically, I want her to be able to really ride my face while I lick her clit.

Strange Fantasy Dude

Read my response after the jump...

"Sadly, there's no out-of-the-box solution I can recommend," says Cory Silverberg of Come As You Are, Toronto's worker-owned-and-operated sex shop. "There are harnesses that are meant to strap on to the head, like the Head-On Harness available at Stockroom.com. But it covers the mouth." So you wouldn't be able to eat your girlfriend out with one buckled to your face.

Cory continues, "And there is the often-poked-fun-at Accommodator." (A latex harness that straps a dildo to your chin and looks just as ridiculous as it feels.) "But it isn't hollow, so it couldn't be worn comfortably over the nose," he says. And finding something that fits comfortably over your nose is going to be your biggest problem.

"It would need to be hollow," explains Cory, "but it would need enough heft such that it wouldn't be constantly buckling and hitting you in the mouth or between the eyes. The tricky thing is that the nose is so close to the eyes, so anything with straps might dig in or at least go over the eyes in an uncomfortable way."

So what do you do?

"Get in touch with a good harness maker and ask if they do custom work," Cory recommends. "One of my favorites is Outlaw Leather in Seattle (www.outlawseattle.com)." Outlaw Leather produces high-quality dildo harnesses and could, in theory, make you a dildo harness that fits comfortably over your nose. Custom work is expensive, of course. "But no one said dreams came cheap," says Cory.

But if you're going to go the custom-made route, SFD, I think you might have better luck with a custom-made hood. They're designed to be worn over the nose, and most have mouth openings. You could easily have one made with a wider mouth opening and an extended nosepiece.

"You could also go the Cyrano de Bergerac route," says Cory, "and look into getting a high-quality prosthesis that fits over the nose." He thinks the folks lurking at Pinocchia (forums.pinocchia.com)—a site for guys into girls with big noses—might have some idea where to get a prosthesis.