I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back November 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan
Originally published December 11, 2008:
I hope you can help me. I am a 39-year-old divorced mother of four. I'm also a grandmother. I've started seeing a younger man, age 25, who is only a few years older than my oldest kid. We hit it off great and other than the sex, everything is beautiful. The problem is that my sex life with my ex-husband of 20 years was very free. We did everything from toys to bondage to watching porn together to three-ways. My new guy is not happy that I have a collection of toys or that I watch porn, have been to strip clubs, etc. He likes "regular" sex and he refuses to use toys or do anything in the adventurous realm. How do I even talk with him about what I like without scaring him off? I love being tied up and spanked! Plus he has never done oral and doesn't even want to try! HELP!!!
Frustrated GILF In Minnesota
My response after the jump...
You're not gonna get what you want—excuse me, Grandma, what you have a right to demand and expect—from this boy if you're not willing to risk scaring him off.
Considering his age, FGIM, it's possible that your boyfriend, during his recent childhood, was locked in a classroom with a sexually repressed idiot who "taught" him that sexual ignorance is a virtue and that a limited sexual repertoire is pleasing to Jesus. They call it "abstinence education," and it induces a kind of sexual imbecility.
Now you, Grandma Hoses, are going to have to undo the damage done. Sit the boy down and tell him that you're older, wiser, and that you intend to drag his butt up to your level, not allow him to drag yours down to his. Tell him what you like, tell him exactly how you like it, and make sure he understands that you're not interested in being with someone long-term who isn't interested in meeting your needs.