Zach Galifianakis has appeared in the phenomenal movie Comedians of Comedy, Comedy Central's show Dog Bites Man, as well as standup. He's funny, contemplative, plays the piano, and he'll be blowing apart the Crystal Ballroom this Friday.

MERCURY: What's your feeling on the comedy climate right now?

GALIFIANAKIS: I think it is quite exciting. There are a lot of really good comedians doing some interesting stuff. I cannot think of any of them right now.  

What's your feeling on the climate outside right now?

I think it is quite exciting. There are a lot of really good clouds doing some interesting stuff.  

What pisses you off?

Those who litter. And those who call me a faggot while I am in line at the grocery store.

Do you feel like you're especially motivated, like compared to your friends or your barber?

No, I am not much of a mover or shaker. More a shaker of the two though. My friends are less motivated than me, though. My friend Hank's goal is to make a list of things to do.

Do you ever have stage fright, and how do you get over it?

I do not get stage fright any longer. I used to get stage fright, but it scared me.

What are your feelings on Portland as a city?

I am going to move to Portland one day. I love everything about it.  

What would be an ideal day in the life of Zach Galifianakis?

Get up without blood around my ankle. Have some strawberries and cream for breakfast. Do two pushups. Whistle the French national anthem. Face Mecca. Realize I am facing the wrong way. Dream up new stamp ideas for the US Postal service. Have lunch on a cliff. Then hang glide off that cliff and land in the ocean. Undo my gear and hop on the back of a dolphin and let him take me to an island. There I take off all my clothes, catch my reflection in a pond and throw up. Me and the dolphin have a good laugh.