Hello, and welcome to the Trash Report! I'm your best friend, Elinor Jones, also known as "Portland's Best Kept Secret." (Trying this out—it worked for Rod Tidwell in Jerry Maguire, maybe it will also help me to land an enhanced NFL contract?) I hope you're having a great day so far, and I hope to make it a little bit better, starting... now:
The Academy Awards Were Last Night
And it was fine. I followed along ravenously, ready to find a moment of chaos to turn into a silly little joke for all of you, but the ceremony went off without a hitch. While I don't think we could have handled another earth-shattering meltdown like "the slap" again this year, we needed something. If not a best actor nominee slapping the host, maybe it could have been, like, a best lighting nominee gently poking an usher. Barely upsetting, but still noteworthy, you know? We deserve that much. When you think about it, it's honestly a little weird that an auditorium full of egos and artists isn't constantly a slapfest. We used to be a country!
For realsies though, it's a good night when cool people win, and I was delighted for Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan to both finally be recognized for their contributions to cinema as prophesized by 1992's Encino Man:
Cool or Not Cool?
Hollywood's Coolest Girl Natasha Lyonne shared on instagram that she has quit smoking, to which other celebrities like Melissa Etheridge and Lily Tomlin responded with encouragement. If Melissa Etheridge and Lily Tomlin were ever in my corner, I'd be pretty sure I was on the right path, so keep up the good work, Natasha! Meanwhile, Hollywood's youngest baby cousin Cole Sprouse recently appeared on the Call Her Daddy podcast while smoking a cigarette like he was on the freaking Tonight Show in 1968. And the way he smokes is just so very... not cool looking, at all, thereby putting a nail in cigarettes' coffin. You've heard it here first, folks: smoking is officially no longer cool, which means some of you are going to have to find another way to let everybody else know that you party. I'm thinking leather jacket? Face tattoo? I don't know, I haven't been cool for years (since I quit smoking, back when it was still cool).
In other "not cool" celebrity news: Gossip site Pajiba posted a pretty thorough breakdown of Hugh Grant being a total dick and it was very disappointing! As a lifelong Grant fan (Four Weddings and a Funeral and Love, Actually are, like, 60 percent of my personality), I don't know how I didn't know this! Up until about 10 minutes ago all I knew about him was 1) blowjob from a sex worker, and 2) those *dazzling* blue eyes. Hollywood's moral compass Jon Stewart apparently called Grant the worst guest to have ever been on the Daily Show and forbade him from returning, and even Drew Barrymore hates him, and she loves everyone. You can click through to read the whole thing, but I must warn you that the picture at the top of the article makes Hugh Grant look extremely handsome and charming, and you might immediately forget everything crappy you will subsequently learn about him! Let me just check that link and... ahhh, damnit! Charmed again!!!!!
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