Feast Portland
For one long weekend each year, Portland’s hard-working Bruce Banner of a food scene gets angry—and we all like it a great deal. It’s time for Feast, the Hulkified, drunken, eating-a-“sandwich”-that-looks-nothing-like-a-sandwich food festival of your dreams. From Thursday through Sunday, culinary visionaries from around the world will swarm to town, joining Portland’s own stable of incredible chefs in a whirlwind of hedonism that will test even the most committed bon vivant. This bad boy is popular and tickets have been on sale for months, meaning options for you latecomers are somewhat limited. But there are still opportunities to, say, get swankily wine-drunk in Director Park, or slam dance in what the fest describes as “a veritable mosh pit” of face-stuffing delight in Pioneer Courthouse Square. Look, none of this stuff is cheap. Portland is sort of done with cheap. But the city’s food star has also never shone quite so brightly. Gorge yourself sloppily in its glow. DIRK VANDERHART
Sept 14-17, Various Locations, Visit feastportland for a full list of venues and times.

Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan can handle the crowds at the Moda Center—he opened for the Pope in 2015. The 51-year-old pasty stand up legend has been consistently hilarious for years, known for his clean but, like, legitimately great jokes about food (his “hot pocket” bit from 2006 is still funny) and laziness, religion, his family, and so on. Some people, like a handful of my colleagues, think he’s corny, but he may be the least hateable standup working today! DOUG BROWN
8 pm, Moda Center, $35.75-69.75

Deerhoof, Christina Schneider's Genius Grant, Mayya & the Revolutionary Hell Yeah!
Deerhoof’s songs are melodic but disjointed, mature but childish, crunchy but clean. The artistry of their sonic clashing is most obvious in the contrast of lead singer Satomi Matsuzaki’s sugary, high-pitched voice against shredding guitars and arena rock drums. Even at their most obscure and avant-garde, Deerhoof’s music is jubilant. The San Francisco band’s new album, Mountain Moves, is like a dopamine rush to a fantastical world, but they’re well aware of what’s happening in the real one. Their Twitter account has more tweets about social justice than self-promotion, and they’re donating the proceeds from Mountain Moves to the Emergent Fund, in case you needed any more proof that listening to Deerhoof is good for the soul. EMMA BURKE
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $15-17

Marshall Crenshaw y Los Straitjackets, Roselit Bone
Marshall Crenshaw’s 1982 self-titled debut is a textbook example of a great rock record marred by wonky sonics. The cavernous drums and echo-laden vocals recall the brief and awkward period when ’50s and ’80s production values merged, resulting in one of the decade’s worst musical gimmicks. Nonetheless, Marshall Crenshaw contains two of the era’s best guitar-pop songs: “Someday, Someway” and “There She Goes Again” (whose ebullient melody is difficult to reconcile with lyrics that reference lite-stalking). The real gold resides in the deluxe remastered version of the album, however, which features an early 1979 pass of the song “Whenever You’re on My Mind”—Crenshaw’s best composition, which would be re-recorded (and anesthetized) for his second album, 1983’s Field Day. But the original, grittier take is everything a perfect power-pop song could hope to be: a jangling, pining paean to starry-eyed romanticism that gets better with every listen. MORGAN TROPER
9 pm, Dante's, $20

Minority Retort
Get ready to laugh that forest fire ash out of your throat because Portland’s showcase for stand-ups of color, Minority Retort, is back, with three fantastic hosts—Jason Lamb, Julia Ramos, and Neeraj Srinivasan—even more and performers, including winsome Seattleite Nick Sahoyah to Mohanad Elshieky, king of jokes on Twitter. Go! It’s just what you need. MEGAN BURBANK
8 pm, Siren Theater, $10

Tia Fuller Quartet
Saxophonist Tia Fuller has already secured herself a place in the pop pantheon after playing as a member of Suga Mama, the all-female ensemble that backed up Beyoncé during her tours in support of B’Day and I Am... Sasha Fierce. Great as that nod from Queen Bey was, the Colorado-born jazz artist would surely have gotten her profile high enough on the strength of her skills as a performer and composer. Fuller’s 2012 album Angelic Warrior sheds some of her smoother, more romantic tendencies in place of a snappy, post-bop approach that, on tracks like “Tailor Made” and “Descend to Barbados,” may not feel as open-hearted, but still carries a warm empathy amid her undulating solos. On “Cherokee” and the title track, she’s downright pugnacious, as she swings hard against the tumbling agitation of the rest of her band. ROBERT HAM
7:30 pm, 9:30 pm, Fremont Theater, $20-30

Drag Queen Bingo: CHAP Fundraiser
Hospital stays for children and families are made a little bit more colorful thanks to the Children’s Healing Art Project (CHAP), an organization that honors art as therapy and connects mobile teaching artists with children in crisis for empowerment. Ticket price to this FUNdraiser includes one drink, but subsequent beverages and rounds of drag queen-led bingo are $5 each. EMILLY PRADO
7 pm, Lagunitas Brewing Community Room, $10

Jenny Don't & the Spurs, The Dalharts
Jenny Don't and the Spurs play vintage country and western straight out of the lonesomest corners of mid-20th century America, Don't and her cohorts sound nothing like a museum piece; rather, there's grit, sadness, and an edge of danger to these rumbling-boxcar country songs. NED LANNAMANN
9:30 pm, LaurelThirst Public House, $7

Doug Benson
Helium presents a special one-off stand-up set with the comedian and actor known for his marijuana usage documentary Super High Me and his popular movie trivia podcast Doug Loves Movies. Note: What used to be a 4:20 set has now been moved to 5, allowing plenty of time to prepare accordingly before heading into the venue. And while you don't need to be stoned to appreciate Benson's brand of comedy, it certainly wouldn't hurt.
5 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $22

The Prince & Michael Experience
Dave Paul dedicates the dance floor to the everlasting magic that both Prince and Michael Jackson created over the course of their careers, including not just the hits, but the b-sides, the bootlegs, and the remixes, too.
9 pm, The Liquor Store, $10

Throwing Shade
On the podcast Throwing Shade, not to be confused with the English DJ of the same name, self-described “homosensual” Bryan Safi and “feminasty” Erin Gibson take it to the limit, all while they address—and make fun of—“issues important to ladies and gays.” They’re socially conscious improv loudmouths playing sold-out shows across the nation, and you’re about to be seeing a whole lot more of them. SUZETTE SMITH
9 pm, Revolution Hall, $25

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!