David Sedaris
If you think you’re too cool for David Sedaris—the first of his name, brother of Amy, author of NPR’s old reliable holiday mainstay (c’mon, the Santaland Diaries is GOOD) and such humorist delights as Me Talk Pretty One Day and Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim—you’re lying to yourself and you need to stop. Sedaris’ dry wit is indispensable in trying times. Go get some! MEGAN BURBANK
7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $23.50-54.50

Krysten Ritter
The actress, producer, and writer known for her portrayal of Jessica Jones in the hit Netflix series reads from Bonfire, her debut suspense thriller about a successful lawyer in Chicago who takes on a high-profile case that forces her to return to her small-town roots.
7 pm, Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, free

Shout Out Louds, Surf Rock is Dead
In a just world, Shout Out Louds would be household names—their sleek, handsome pop songs are as utilitarian and easy to live with as pieces of IKEA furniture. But the Stockholm band got somewhat lost in the shuffle with the great Swedish music explosion of the ’00s that saw countless indie-oriented rock and pop bands from that country litter music blogs and festival lineups. (Where art thou, Peter Bjorn and John?) Shout Out Louds’ fifth album, this year’s terrific Ease My Mind, proves just how assured the band’s grip is on the lush, emotional soundscapes they craft; tunes like “Porcelain,” “Oh Oh,” and “Souvenirs” sound like end-credits music to movies that don’t exist but you know would be among your favorites if they did. The closest Shout Out Louds came to a breakthrough in America was with 2007’s wonderful Our Ill Wills, but that album was preoccupied with 1980s-era radio sounds. Ease My Mind, on the other hand, sounds wholly contemporary, and as comely as its acoustic-guitar-and-twinkle-synth backdrops strike the listener on first listen, the emotional content is surprisingly durable and resonant on every listen thereafter. NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, Doug Fir, $21-23

GWAR, Ghoul, He Is Legend, U.S. Bastards
The long-running heavy metal act out brings their blood-soaked freakshow back to Portland for an all-ages night at the Roseland supporting their latest album, The Blood Of Gods.
7:30 pm, Roseland, $20, all ages

Trevor Hall, East Forest
South Carolina-hailing singer/songwriter Trevor Hall brings his acoustic mix of roots, folk, and reggae music to the Wonder stage for the Portland stop on a national tour.
7 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $20

Kung Fu Theater: Fatal Flying Guillotine
This month’s installment in Dan Halsted’s ongoing celebration of all things whoop-ass is the only known 35mm print of the 1977 Taiwanese classic Fatal Flying Guillotine, an absurd low-budget attempt to turn the flying guillotine into its own kung fu sub-genre. It’s not that bad an idea, really—I’m not sure this world contains anything that you can’t improve by adding a flying guillotine (or two). Basic revenge plots (like the one in this movie) become immeasurably enhanced. Stock adventure stories (like the one in this movie) become stock adventure stories with awesome beheadings. You want to turn a night at the movies into magic? Just add a flying guillotine. BOBBY ROBERTS
7:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!