Hello, December 2019. It looks like you're getting off to a very lively start so far, and Portland is definitely benefitting from a whole bunch of amazing Things to Do this week, including the start of the Holiday Ale Fest, another installment of the I, Anonymous Show, the Christmas Ships are coming through, and (checks notes) KENNY G IS HERE!?!? As always, that's only the BEGINNINGâhit the links below and plan your week accordingly
Jump to: Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday
Monday, Dec 2
Battles, Palm
Of the experimental New York foursome that were Battles, only two remain: Ian Williams and John Stanier. No, they didnât actually battle each other (although they should say they did). Itâs funny to think of their 2006 track âTrasââwhich sounded like a metal song that became a math equationâas this groupâs hit single, but thatâs what we were nodding our heads to on the way to shows. Over the past few albums, Battles has fooled with incorporating vocals into their complex and symmetrical âbleep bloopâ compositions, and on their new album Juice B Crypts they include one-off collaborations with singers like Xenia Rubinos, rappers like Shabazz Palaces, and groups like Tune-Yards. But I still like their instrumental tracks like âA Loop So Niceâ best. (Mon Dec 2, 8 pm, Hawthorne Theatre, $20-25) SUZETTE SMITH
TakĂĄcs Quartet
The folks at Friends of Chamber Music have been welcoming world-class players to Portland for more than 75 years, and tonight and tomorrow, they host four of the best with a sublime program tucked up their collective sleeve. The TakĂĄcs Quartet, having performed in legendary concert halls around the globe for several decades, is what's known in certain classical music circles as "the shit." (Mon-Tues Dec 2-3, 7:30 pm, PSU Lincoln Performance Hall, $32-57) BRIAN HORAY
Daughters, Lingua Ignota
It almost goes without saying that Rhode Island noise rock band Daughters comes with a lot of baggage. Even as they debuted in 2003, with their much-lauded Canada Songs, they were seeking to cast off their past lives as the grindcore group As the Sun Sets. Canada Songs was a controlled chaos of screams and blistering guitar licks; by the time you could tell the songs apart, they had you. The band fell out around their third record, as bands do, but reformed to release 2018âs You Wonât Get What You Want which collects a variety of discordant music styles into an interesting and controlled catalog. These days it seems like Daughters frontman Alexis Marshall wants to employ more throbbing-noise and altar calls than chaotic screaming freak-outs, which I would say is a sign of maturity if he hadnât suggested last year that people should punch journalists they donât agree with. (Mon Dec 2, 8 pm, Bossanova Ballroom, $20) SUZETTE SMITH
Sir Woman
Prolific Austin-based singer/songwriter Kelsey Wilson (Wild Child, Glorietta) brings her newly-minted funk project to the Doug Fir Lounge for a headlining show supporting her solo debut, Party City. (Mon Dec 2, 9 pm, Doug Fir, $15)
The Benson's Annual Gingerbread Unveiling
Pulling back the sheet on a 40-plus year-old Portland tradition, a tradition made out of 200 pounds of gingerbread, 30 pounds of white chocolate, 15 pounds of dark chocolate, and 30 pounds of marzipan. Attendeeds are encourage to not only marvel at this feat of baking, and enjoy delicious gingerbread treats, but to donate new, unwrapped toys for the Children's Cancer Association. (Mon Dec 2, 4 pm, The Benson Hotel, free, all ages)
The Tenors Christmas
The renowned vocal group consisting of Victor Micallef, Fraser Walters, and Clifton Murray return to Portland to spread some holiday cheer with backing from conductor RaĂșl GĂłmez and the Oregon Symphony. (Mon Dec 2, 7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $35 & Up, all ages)
Pizza Night
The two words in the title alone should be enough to capture your attention and hold it there, but in the interest of fully informing you: Olympia Provisions, home of godlike meats, has a night dedicated to making meaty pizzas, as well as a wine menu featuring selections perfectly paired with the flavors available, and only local bands on the speakers. (Mon Dec 2, 5 pm, Olympia Provisions, free)
Tuesday, Dec 3
It's a Tony Starlight Christmas
If you like your holiday swinging with a dose of cocktails, check out It's a Tony Starlight Christmas, in which Portland's fave crooner is joined by a rat pack of talented singers to perform classic holiday hits (and comedy) in the style of Frank, Dino, Liza, Bing, and more. (Tues Dec 3, 7:30 pm, The Tony Starlight Showroom, $27-75)
Kenny G: Celebrating 25 Years of Miracles
GET READY FOR SOME KENNY G FACTS IN YOUR FACE, MOTHERFORKERS! Fact one: Kenny G grew up in Seattle and studied accounting at the University of Washington! WHAT. Fact two: In 1997, Kenny G held the world record for playing the longest continual note on a saxophone (an E-flat for 45 minutes and 47 seconds). BANG! Fact three: Kenny G is super popular in China! His song âGoing Homeâ is played at the end of business days at many shopping malls, health clubs, and train stations. SLAMMA-JAMMA! And Fact four: Kenny Gâs Miracles: The Holiday Album is one of the most successful holiday albums of all time, selling eight million copies, which heâll be playing IN ITS ENTIRETY at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall for the luckiest, motherforking ears in the worldâyours. BATHE IN HIS GLORIOUS MAJESTY, YOU UNDESERVING BUNGHOLES! (Tues Dec 3, 7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $35 & Up, all ages) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Dreamers, Arrested Youth, American Teeth
The NYC-based trio headed up by Nick Wold, Marc Nelson, and Jacob Lee Wick brings their indie pop and rock back through town for an all-ages show supporting their latest full-length, Launch Fly Land. (Tues Dec 3, 8 pm, Hawthorne Theatre, $17-20, all ages)
Relentless Splendor's 99-Minute Comedy Fest
Suki's plays host to this comedy smorgasbord from Relentless Splendor, packing a whole comedy festival's worth of entertainment into 99 minutes, with sets from Simon Gibson, Whitney Streed's Rants Off Dance Off, Chris Khatami's Spec Script, and more. (Tues Dec 3, 7:30 pm, Suki's Bar & Grill, $5)
Flights for Your Rights: Planned Parenthood PAC of Oregon Holiday Wine Party
Planned Parenthood PAC of Oregon is getting into the holidays the correct way: with lots and lots of wine. And because they're Planned Parenthood, not only will it be fun, but you'll be doing some good, with proceeds helping secure even more victories for reproductive rights in 2020. (Tues Dec 3, 6:30 pm, Southeast Wine Collective, $20)
Jim Breuer
Goat Boys never grow up, and Jim Breuer has been touring non-stop ever since leaving Saturday Night Live, with a resume containing successful radio shows and podcasts alongside more well known entries like his role in the stoner-classic Half Baked. He also is maybe the best one-man AC/DC impersonator who ever lived? Pretty specific niche, yes, but a very loud and entertaining one. (Tues Dec 3, 8 pm, Aladdin Theater, $32.50-50, all ages)
Drag Queen Bingo: Benefit for Animal Aid and Project Pooch
Poison Waters presents a special edition of Drag Queen Bingo benefitting Animal Aid and Project POOCH, because 'tis the season to give, and what better gift to give than to help puppers in need. Plus, you know, drag queens and bingo is always a recipe for good times. (Tues Dec 3, 6 pm, Rogue Eastside Pub & Pilot Brewery, free)
French Vanilla, Conditioner, Plastic Weather
Having visited Portland last year while supporting Detroit rocker Stef Chura, Los Angeles feminist art-punk outfit French Vanilla brings their shapeshifting sounds back to the stage at Mississippi Studios for a headlining set supporting their latest album, How Am I Not Myself? (Tues Dec 3, 9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $12-14)
Wednesday, Dec 4
The I, Anonymous Show
If you love sick secrets, crazy rants, and side-splitting laughs, have we got a show for you! The I, Anonymous Show stars the fabulous Kate Murphy, who selects the wildest, strangest submissions from the beloved Mercury column and reads them live on stage. Joining Kate is a panel of whip-smart comediansâthis month itâs Tory Ward, Jake Silberman, and Dylan Jenkinsâwho dissect these submissions with hilarious precision. If youâre looking for serious fun, the I, Anonymous Show is the place to be! (Wed Dec 4, 7:30 pm, Curious Comedy Theater, $10) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
The Holiday Ale Festival
For the 24th straight year, Pioneer Courthouse Square gets tented, heated, and filled with over 50 specialty winter ales from some of the best brewers in the country. Come down spread some holiday cheer while indulging in an array of delicious Belgians, barleywines, stouts, and sours you won't find at the supermarket, and capitalize on the opportunity to talk to the geniuses responsible for making all these delicious suds, too. (Wed-Sun Dec 4-8, Pioneer Courthouse Squre, $40-100)
Mount Eerie, Julie Dorion
Itâs been over a decade since the release of Lost Wisdom, the beautifully sparse 2008 collaboration that saw Mount Eerie's Phil Elverum link up with his musical hero, Julie Doiron of Ericâs Trip, along with Canadian musician Fred Squire. Recorded in Elverumâs hometown of Anacortes while Doiron and Squire were on a brief layover between touring and recording sessions of their own, the album was embraced by fans and quickly tucked away, with Elverum moving on to experiment with black metal on Windâs Poem and Doiron returning to her indie rock roots with I Can Wonder What You Did with Your Day. Fortunately, Elverum and Doiron have reunited for Lost Wisdom pt. 2; the accompanying tour gives Elverum another chance to share the stage with his favorite singer and fans an opportunity to witness these desolate, yet endearing songs in a live setting. (Wed Dec 4, 8 pm, Revolution Hall, $20, all ages) CHIPP TERWILLIGER
Rupi Kaur
The author of the acclaimed poetry collections milk and honey and the sun and her flowers returns to Portland for a guaranteed-to-be emotionally and intellectually stirring evening. (Wed Dec 4, 8 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $29-65)
Spoon, Nicole Atkins
Spoon, the preeminent indie ensemble of the aughts, has officially made enough albums to warrant a âbest ofâ recordâand theyâre taking it on the road. The groupâs compilation, Everything Hits at Once, will get you on the dancefloor with classics like âI Turn My Camera On,â âThe Underdog,â and âThe Way We Get By,â and a bonus new single âNo Bullets Spent.â (Wed Dec 4, 8 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $38-42) ALEX ZIELINSKI
Bedouine
Syrian-born/Los Angeles-based singer/songwriter Azniv Korkejian, better known by her stage name Bedouine, brings her country- and funk-tinged folk music to the Doug Fir for a headlining show supporting her new album, Bird Songs of a Kiljoy. (Wed Dec 4, 9 pm, Doug Fir, $15-17)
High On Fire, Power Trip, Devil Master, Creeping Death
Sleep guitarist Matt Pike brings his sludge metal and psychedelic thrash band High on Fire back through town to split a co-headline show with Dallas hardcore thrashers Power Trip. Devil Master and Creeping Death round out the all-ages show. (Wed Dec 4, 8 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $22-25, all ages)
Tents, Cataldo, Nyles Lannon
Fresh off the release of their latest album, Medicine, local quintet Tents bring their synthy and soothing indie-pop through Holocene to head up a hometown show along with support from Seattle's Cataldo and San Francisco-based artist Nyles Lannon. (Wed Dec 4, 8:30 pm, Holocene, $8-10)
Thursday, Dec 5
Christmas Ships Parade
Since 1954, the mighty waters of the Columbia and Willamette have been home to the ONLY Christmas tradition thatâs worth a damn: THE CHRISTMAS SHIPS, a mighty fleet of delightfully decorated boats that patrol our land's dark, dangerous wavesâbringing us boisterous light and joy, and banishing sinister sea lions and razor-toothed mer-people to the rotting, watery depths! Nearly every night until Christmas, this jaunty procession of slow-moving, light-spangled boats will valiantly cruise through all sorts of territory, from Milwaukie to VancouverâAND thereâll be meet and greets, where you can cram your eye-holes with close-up views of the festive boats (!) and meet the fearless skippers (!!) who heroically navigate their vessels across our rivers and into our hearts. (Thurs Dec 5-Sun Dec 22, Tom McCall Waterfront Park, free, all ages) ERIK HENRIKSEN
The Thesis
The Thesis is known for consistently bringing together some of the most promising names in Portland hip-hop, and this monthâs lineup is true to form: esoteric rapper Donte Thomas, R&B/pop crooner Kid Indigo, commanding MC Mickey Taelor, skilled sampler Trox, and locally beloved DJ Verbz. But my personal favorite artist on this monthâs bill is Maarquii, the dynamic genderqueer rapper/performer whose latest singles feature a full, expertly produced sound and a good amount of lyrical swagger. âWonât you bump that new Maarquii?â they ask on âDay Ones.â Indeed, wonât you? (Thurs Dec 5, 9 pm, Kelly's Olympian, $10) BLAIR STENVICK
Jamie Lee
Jamie Lee is best known for appearances on Girl Code, @Midnight, Chelsea Lately, and HBO's Crashing, but her stand-up is as good a place as any to be wowed by not just her punchlines but her presence. (Thurs Dec 5, 8 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $25-33)
Madame Gandhi, MILCK, SassyBlack
Los Angeles-based producer, drummer, and activist Madame Gandhi (AKA Madame Gandhi) brings her percussive electronic afrobeat sounds to the Doug Fir Lounge for a Portland show supporting her electrofeminist solo EP series. Fellow LA-based artist MILCK and Seattle's SassyBlack round out the bill. (Thurs Dec 5, 9 pm, Doug Fir, $15)
The Chainsmokers, 5 Seconds of Summer, Lennon Stella
The Chainsmokers' overblown, triumphantly loud type of EDM is perfectly curated for giant arenas and outdoor partying. Remember to stay hydrated since you'll be dancing to this set all night. (Thurs Dec 5, 7 pm, Moda Center, $14-119)
Channel Tres, DJ Shi Shi, DJ Black Daria
Having supported Vince Staples and JPEGMAFIA on a tour that hit the Roseland earlier this year, Compton-hailing DJ, producer, and musician Channel Tres brings his unique blend of house-infused hip-hop and R&B back to town for a headlining set of his own. (Thurs Dec 5, 8:30 pm, Holocene, $12-15)
Whose Live Anyway?
The cast of TV's Whose Line is it Anyway? bring their improvised comedy to the Revolution Hall stage. Featuring Ryan Stiles, Jeff B. Davis, Joel Murray, and special guest Dave Foley from the Kids in the Hall and Newsradio. (Thurs Dec 5, 8 pm, Revolution Hall, $35-55)
Charlie Hunter & Lucy Woodward
In-demand guitarist Charlie Hunter and vocalist Lucy Woodward team up for a night of blues, soul, and funk at Mississippi Studios when they roll through Portland in support of their collaborative debut, Music!Music!Music! (Thurs Dec 5, 8 pm, Mississippi Studios, $22-25)
Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!
